Crap joke of the day

[whiteball]

As I get older, I remember all the
people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour
guide was not the right choice.

[whiteball]

Priest: "Do you have any last requests?"
Murderer sitting in the electric chair:
"Yes. Can you please hold my hand."

[whiteball]

For Sale: Parachute. Used once,
never opened, small stain.

[whiteball]

I bought my blind friend a cheese
grater for his birthday. He later told
me it was the most violent book he'd
ever read.

[whiteball]

It's important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the
words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my
best friends would still be alive."

[whiteball]

I got a job at a library, but it only
lasted 15 minutes. Tuns out, books
about women's rights shouldn't go
in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section.

[whiteball]

Just helped my neighbor bury a
rolled up carpet in the woods.
Her boyfriend would've done it,
but he's out of town.

[whiteball]

A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and
says, "Hey, they named a drink
after you."
"Really?" replies the grasshopper.
"There's a drink named Stan."

[whiteball]

My son, who's into astronomy,
asked me how stars die.
"Usually, an overdose, son,"
I told him.

[whiteball]

I was digging in our garden and found
a chest of gold coins. I wanted to run
straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging
in our garden.