Crap joke of the day

**Mrbean76** · 02-04-20, 13:11

105 year old lady's advice to us all.

"For better digestion I drink beer. In case of appetite loss I drink white wine.
In case of low blood pressure I drink red wine. In case of high blood pressure I drink scotch.
When I have a cold I drink Schnapps"

"When do you drink water?"

"I've never been that sick!! "

**Mrbean76** · 07-04-20, 23:11

Anyone else's car getting two weeks to the gallon at the moment?

**seriousguy** · 08-04-20, 14:02

What do you call Mr Bean when he gets sunburnt?

A Baked Bean !

**Mrbean76** · 08-04-20, 16:26

Originally Posted by seriousguy

What do you call Mr Bean when he gets sunburnt?

A Baked Bean !

Good to see you have a sense of humour Mr serious guy.

**SteveB** · 08-04-20, 19:18

Variation on an old joke, usually made about Germans;

How many Mr Serious Guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. Because he is super efficient, and he has no sense of humour.

**whoseyourdaddy** · 08-04-20, 21:37

A married couple in self isolation

Wife shouts upstairs to husband

Hey, have you ever had a pain in your back?

Husband - What sort of pain?

Wife - a fierce shooting pain like someone sticking a pin in a voodoo doll

Husband - No

Wife- how about now?

**Mrbean76** · 09-04-20, 16:26

How do you circumcise a hill billy?

Kick his sister in the jaw!!

**Mrbean76** · 12-04-20, 12:24

Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in.

I asked "what are you doing?"

He said " I'm working from home"

**Floki** · 14-04-20, 16:34

I was going to get high tonight.
But then relaised that I'm scared of ladders.

**Mrbean76** · 20-04-20, 13:22

This crap joke will only be understood by native English speakers!! Two Australian guys having a phone conversation.

Guy 1 :"G'day mate , Aussie helpline here...."

Guy 2: "I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp!!
And now her pussy has completely closed up!!"

Guy 1: "Bummer mate"

Guy 2 : " thanks mate I hadn't thought of that. Bye"

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