Crap joke of the day

[UnFulfilledScott]

I asked a German friend of mine if he knew the square root of 81

He answered No!

Took me far too long to interpret that one.

Very nice.

[UnFulfilledScott]

Officer who just pulled me over for speeding : Son, do you have any idea how fast you were going when I pulled you over?

Me : 69

Officer : Nice.

[whoseyourdaddy]

Last night I took the shell off my racing snail to make him go faster.

If anything its just made him more sluggish

[UnFulfilledScott]

me: are you familiar with the infinite universe theory

gf: yeah of course

me: so there must be one where I run over your dad with a go-kart

gf: I guess so

me: so *pulling out flowers from behind my back* you can see how this isn’t my fault

[whoseyourdaddy]

Me: my girlfriend and I have been doing lots of travelling recently and she even got a tattoo when we were in Hawaii.

Reply: Honolulu?

Me: No on her shoulder.

Me: moved on to Indonesia where we had a great time.

Reply: Jakarta?

Me: No we flew in.

Me: Not so good in Western Australia where my girlfriend got robbed.

Reply: Perth?

Me: No but they got her Pasthport and drivers licensth.

Me: our last trip was the best. We went to a Bill and Ted convention in Oslo.

Reply: Norway?

Me: Yes way dude,...yes way

[AyannaMelek]

I just crashed my Kia.

Now I have NoKia…


Did you know Stephen king had a son?

I’m not joking but he is…

[UnFulfilledScott]

New movie idea.
Bunch of guys pull of a daring heist.
They're all Saudi.
Movie is called Oceans 19.

[Mrbean76]

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?


The people of Dubai don't like the Flinstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do !!!

[Mrbean76]

My ex wife's favourite position was reverse cowgirl .....


She hated to see me with a happy face

[SonicWNC]

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."