Val - en - tines, not again ?

[cantstopdointhisconnor]

When it comes to Val - en - tines, id rather do either of the following as a substitute

a) have my left canine extracted, and reinserted up my rear with a hot poker while eating ice cream on a tooth with a huge abscess

OR

b) take my chance with a wild Rhinoceros who had just come home from a hard day at the swamp and found me wearing his pyjamas, smoking his cigars and in bed with his wife