Considering I was the one to broach the subject of perhaps having a lady join us, it is easy to get what you want
What makes this work for us is it's something we both want, which knowing we both enjoy it sort of enhances the adventure; on the flip-side, I have no interest in having an extra male partner, and knowing that the husband doesn't find it appealing either really shuts down that avenue for good. Now unfortunately not everyone is necessarily going to find out that their interests line up, but we count ourselves as lucky that ours do!