Help with self image

[bjornagain]

This is a very difficult post for me.
I used to punt years ago, but then gave it up after a bad experience.
I've always had a poor self image and hate looking in the mirror, especially full length.
I'm a big guy. 5ft 7" 17.8 stone, 42inch waist, 45yrs old and a small cock, 4 inches at most and only as thick as 2 fingers.
With my belly it looks much smaller, although I have made a woman cum with it

The last escort I saw humiliated me by making constant references to my belly, and in the end I couldn't get it up. She just laughed and said "it aint me baby" and pointed at her perfect body with big tits. I paid for an hour and was too dumb struck to ask for any money back or say anything, she didn't offer to massage me or anything and in the end I left after about 15 mins.
I don't really blame her, shes just a young kid in her 20's, but I blame myself more for not looking after myself. Drinking and eating too much in my 30's, I piled it on.
Ive cut back now, but it just wont shift

I'm thinking of going back punting but the thought of that incident just puts me off.
The girls Ive seen advertised here are all just amazingly beautiful, you think why would they even bother with me, when other better looking, fitter guys would hire them.
I know engaging an escort is a professional contract and the good ones can really pretend well, but I just feel so revolted by myself and I cant stop thinking the escort will be secretly revolted as well. I'd really like to make her cum as well but I know a lot fake it and I'm not a great lover, enthusiastic and well meaning yes, but not a stud.

So, has anyone else felt this way and managed to lose weight in their 40's or can recommend a good escort that wont mind a tubby man so much, or any thoughts on getting more self confident?
I walk about 4/5k everyday and I'd love to even lose a stone, tried the milk shakes etc but still cant shift it

thanks for reading this if you got this far.
Sorry to be negative