Ah, soapy, I remember you....vaguely
Sorry to do this in public but you never answer your flipping phone, so...I've dumped you for Claudia.
Her tits aren't as nice, but she's prettier than you and doesn't spend so much time talking about shoes
Oh and she has a full range of soft drinks in her fridge, not just lines and lines of coke
Could you send my mix tape back in the post, plus my baggy jumper, and the matching signet rings we got.
You can keep the penis pump, Claudia says I'm big enough for her apparently
Sorry its come to this but you were getting a tiny bit clinging, what with the texts etc