Mistress

[bootboy]

It's a common question that often accompanies a misconception as to what a Mistress actually does. The stereotypical image of a man tied up, beaten, shouted at, degraded etc leads many to think 'wtf?' but in reality a large proportion of the men (and woman) who visit a Mistress aren't looking for that.

Overall it comes down to power exchange. How that is played out depends very much upon what the client is looking for, which could be a myriad of things. It may be as simple as crossdressing - eg in order to feel comfortable doing this a guy might need to be 'instructed' to dress up or may need advice on what to wear, make up, wigs, even how to walk in heels. It may be cathartic to some deeper issue from their past - I had a guy who quite literally regressed to his childhood during a scene as a way of re-living and 'dealing with' the way he was treated by medical professionals for an anal/bowel issue. Others just want someone else to take charge and try something their wives/partners never would.

The psychology behind BDSM is fascinating and having an understanding of that is what makes a good Mistress - getting inside your clients head, administering a range of 'treatment' & using a wide variety of equipment with skill, care and appreciation of risk & results. Much of what a Mistress does could potentially be very dangerous if not done correctly or if proper safety precautions aren't in place.

The physiological aspects are also extremely important, so knowledge of anatomy is vital - eg what can you do to which part of the body that won't result in internal damage or scarring? If I'm torturing balls for example, I play with them for a little while first to ascertain exactly where the vas is and at what point it attaches to the teste inside. That way, I am mindful when attaching anything that I'm not going to induce torsion (or worse). Similarly with ball busting - there's a knack to 'kicking' a guy in the balls without doing lasting damage. There are obvious risks with using rope, but a badly positioned knot sitting on a pressure point can have catastrophic effects and even the most securely tied rope will 'shift' as a client wriggles etc, so I need to be constantly alert to that.

Basic first aid skills are essential (although "touch wood", I've never needed them so far!) as is the ability to react calmly to emergencies (again, "touch wood"...). Being able to correctly interpret body language makes a huge difference too.

A Mistress worth her salt will usually have some involvement in the public scene as well as professionally, taking opportunities to discuss and practice techniques, new equipment & toys and to ground themselves. We're always learning - there's always something else to experience or an advancement in technology to get to grips with.

When you visit a Mistress you're not just paying for her time there & then, you're paying tribute to the extensive learning & research she has personally undergone in order to provide you with that experience, which in many cases may (and should) have taken years. It's not something you can learn effectively overnight or from a book - it takes practical application, trying & testing, honing skills & techniques - Continual Professional Development, if you like.

You're also paying tribute to & towards the huge plethora of expensive tools & equipment used (I don't mean Ann Summers tacky 50 Shades crap), the furniture you're tied to, extensive wardrobe of leather, latex, PVC, lingerie, footwear etc that is required (cos you guys have such wide & varied tastes!) and often of course, the cost of the premises as it's so much harder for a Mistress to be 'portable'. When I evaluated my Studio in the UK for contents insurance, I had about £15k worth of kit in there! It's a huge investment and used 'personal' items have no re-sale value.

So no, there's no sex taking place (most of the time), it's more like psychological therapy

You caught my attention at the end there !

I don't get the infliction of pain thing but I think the guys that do must seriously enjoy their punts as there is something very real about it which would appeal to me.

[nonpareil]

you mean Miss Alisha crucifies you too,

Not to hammer it home, but only if he's got a Messiah complex.

[slavetoyou]

you mean Miss Alisha crucifies you too,

It has been discussed before as a request of mine

But sense prevailed but I shall have nails used on me at some point, we are in discussions for a particular scenario. Will post pics when we do it.

[Lady Constance]

You caught my attention at the end there !

I don't get the infliction of pain thing but I think the guys that do must seriously enjoy their punts as there is something very real about it which would appeal to me.

Well, that's the thing - it's not always about pain. Sure, it is for some, but for many it's about sensation or the psychological aspect. I must admit, there is something very satisfying about watching a guy's cock get harder the more he is spanked/caned/flogged etc

What I really enjoy is training someone to experience what they might normally perceive as 'painful' as pleasurable. It's down to association and building things gradually which is where the sensual side of my work kicks in

[Dick]

It's a common question that often accompanies a misconception as to what a Mistress actually does. The stereotypical image of a man tied up, beaten, shouted at, degraded etc leads many to think 'wtf?' but in reality a large proportion of the men (and woman) who visit a Mistress aren't looking for that.

Overall it comes down to power exchange. How that is played out depends very much upon what the client is looking for, which could be a myriad of things. It may be as simple as crossdressing - eg in order to feel comfortable doing this a guy might need to be 'instructed' to dress up or may need advice on what to wear, make up, wigs, even how to walk in heels. It may be cathartic to some deeper issue from their past - I had a guy who quite literally regressed to his childhood during a scene as a way of re-living and 'dealing with' the way he was treated by medical professionals for an anal/bowel issue. Others just want someone else to take charge and try something their wives/partners never would.

The psychology behind BDSM is fascinating and having an understanding of that is what makes a good Mistress - getting inside your clients head, administering a range of 'treatment' & using a wide variety of equipment with skill, care and appreciation of risk & results. Much of what a Mistress does could potentially be very dangerous if not done correctly or if proper safety precautions aren't in place.

The physiological aspects are also extremely important, so knowledge of anatomy is vital - eg what can you do to which part of the body that won't result in internal damage or scarring? If I'm torturing balls for example, I play with them for a little while first to ascertain exactly where the vas is and at what point it attaches to the teste inside. That way, I am mindful when attaching anything that I'm not going to induce torsion (or worse). Similarly with ball busting - there's a knack to 'kicking' a guy in the balls without doing lasting damage. There are obvious risks with using rope, but a badly positioned knot sitting on a pressure point can have catastrophic effects and even the most securely tied rope will 'shift' as a client wriggles etc, so I need to be constantly alert to that.

Basic first aid skills are essential (although "touch wood", I've never needed them so far!) as is the ability to react calmly to emergencies (again, "touch wood"...). Being able to correctly interpret body language makes a huge difference too.

A Mistress worth her salt will usually have some involvement in the public scene as well as professionally, taking opportunities to discuss and practice techniques, new equipment & toys and to ground themselves. We're always learning - there's always something else to experience or an advancement in technology to get to grips with.

When you visit a Mistress you're not just paying for her time there & then, you're paying tribute to the extensive learning & research she has personally undergone in order to provide you with that experience, which in many cases may (and should) have taken years. It's not something you can learn effectively overnight or from a book - it takes practical application, trying & testing, honing skills & techniques - Continual Professional Development, if you like.

You're also paying tribute to & towards the huge plethora of expensive tools & equipment used (I don't mean Ann Summers tacky 50 Shades crap), the furniture you're tied to, extensive wardrobe of leather, latex, PVC, lingerie, footwear etc that is required (cos you guys have such wide & varied tastes!) and often of course, the cost of the premises as it's so much harder for a Mistress to be 'portable'. When I evaluated my Studio in the UK for contents insurance, I had about £15k worth of kit in there! It's a huge investment and used 'personal' items have no re-sale value.

So no, there's no sex taking place (most of the time), it's more like psychological therapy

That's a really great reply, thank you.

I have a somewhat different relationship with someone, I am her Dom and sex very much takes place, but a huge part of it for her is humiliation. I'm constantly having to come up with new ways to humiliate her.

I've been a Dom for many years now. But sometimes I am still amazed at how this confident, beautiful, very successful and assertive career lady craves humiliation.

We don't get too see each other very often as she is away on business a lot, but wow, the chemistry when we are together is amazing.

And yes, you are so right, I've invested in a fair few expensive "props" myself and for safety purposes they have to be of the very highest quality. I've also attended classes on bondage etc. There is a lot more to it than lashing at someone's bottom.