Crash diet regime ........

[Genie in a Bottle]

.....required urgently and none of this " balanced " diet crap. I want the full monty in order to achieve incredible results within a 5 week period, with only the following conditions;

1. Lots of red wine to be a MUST in the diet

2. no tiredness or loss of vitality allowed

3. Must be guaranteed success

Any informed suggestions ??

What! you trying to lose or gain weight