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Thread: An ode to Ruhama

  1. #1
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    Default An ode to Ruhama

    Do you ever stop to wonder why
    you cant stop living a bare faced lie?
    You always slag off everyone,
    Forgetting all the shit you've done!
    It's never enough to leave it be.
    An opinion on all you see.
    But does anyone really care?
    And will it get you anywhere?

    So get over yourself, you're not the best.
    You are just like all the rest.
    All your bad faults you cant admit.
    Cos you're so fucking full of shit.

    You'd better hope you never know.
    Your life is not a TV show.
    You're not the star, you're not the lead.
    Your life is not quite all it seems.
    But still you live on the charade.
    That you will get your own parade.

    But you get money right?
    That is all you care about.

    Ruhama my love.

    Not.

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  3. #2
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    This month's critique poem, "An ode to Ruhama" by Irishdelta, offers a devastating first-person account of the farce that is Rhuama, where he is holding no punches in his choice of poetic language.

    I admire how this poem is so dramatic yet so understated. Delta doesn't need to use the words "Trafficked", "Coerced", "Magdalen", or any other explanatory terms that are already overdetermined by the readers' familiarity with this Religious group. His omission of the usual typical Ruhama terms, and his inclusion of "fuckin full of shit" is what makes this piece all the more more poignant.


    I feel poets should be careful not to repeat their own good lines within the same poem. The phrase "all the shit" was powerful the first time, but when re-used just two stanzas later, it felt belaboured, especially since "shit" occurs yet again in the verse. Try a different modifier for the second "shit", be more creative.


    The grammar of the last two lines is irregular, a stylistic choice that does not show up elsewhere in the poem, which makes me think Delta may have meant "that money is more important than an escorts well being". However, I like the cadence of "But you get money right" and I feel that two shorter declarative sentences has a stronger rhythmic impact than the longer single sentence. I'm no fan of tacked-on last lines that explain the meaning of a poem, and I think the ending of this poem works well in terms of scansion and a powerful final image. Perhaps more development of the speaker's personality and inner conflicts, interspersed with the Ruhmas indifference to helping escorts in general, would have given me more of a stake in the outcome.

    Other than that a good piece...


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  5. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by irishdeltaforce View Post
    Do you ever stop to wonder why
    you cant stop living a bare faced lie?
    You always slag off everyone,
    Forgetting all the shit you've done!
    It's never enough to leave it be.
    An opinion on all you see.
    But does anyone really care?
    And will it get you anywhere?

    So get over yourself, you're not the best.
    You are just like all the rest.
    All your bad faults you cant admit.
    Cos you're so fucking full of shit.

    You'd better hope you never know.
    Your life is not a TV show.
    You're not the star, you're not the lead.
    Your life is not quite all it seems.
    But still you live on the charade.
    That you will get your own parade.

    But you get money right?
    That is all you care about.

    Ruhama my love.

    Not.
    Love it

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    irishdeltaforce (06-05-15)

  7. #4
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    Professor JamesCork or what?

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