I've never paid for any physical sexual service till yesterday when I got a massage with a happy ending.
I've been with my girlfriend for a long time, she is the only person I've ever been with but lately I've had fantasies of being with someone else, any other female, not a relationship, just a physical thing, so I snoop on this site and look at the ads and play out how it would go in my head but never did anything about it, then yesterday I had some time on my hands and felt like I needed a massage and if something else came with that so be it. I popped into somewhere that looked like that type of place.
I kind of thought it might be the situation where I would have to raise the issue of happy endings, something I'd never do but the masseuse asked me before I'd even undressed and I just awkwardly said yes.
My heart was beating like crazy for the first part of the massage, I was considering asking her to cancel the happy ending part, then when she started massaging my ass and scrotum from behind I just went with it, as soon as I came I felt like shit. I wanted to leave but my massage wasn't over and I stuck out the rest of it.
I love my girlfriend and now I feel like an absolute arse, in some ways it didn't feel like cheating because there was zero attraction there, I barely even looked at the masseuse, it was purely a physical sensation that made me orgasm... it barely felt sexual to be honest, but I still wish I never did it.
How do you guys deal with this feeling? Do you consider it cheating? Is it possible to still be a good guy and do this when you have a girlfriend? Sorry if this is a bit of mood killer but just looking for someone to make me feel better about myself as a person.