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Thread: Mistaken identity..!!!!

  1. #1
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    Default Mistaken identity..!!!!

    A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"
    Who loves ya baby......!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clyde View Post
    A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"
    Two nuns walking across the square when suddenly a streaker runs past them. One nun as a stroke, the other wasn't quite quick enough.

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    Bloke walks into a chip shop with a haddock under his arm, "do you serve fish cakes?' he asks. "Yup".... "Great, it's his birthday."

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    Larry, a photographer for a newspaper, was scheduled to meet a plane on the runway to take him on a job.
    "Hit it," said Larry climbing into the first plane he saw on the runway.
    The pilot took off, and was soon in the air.
    "Okay," said Larry, "fly low over the trees over there, I want to take a few pictures."
    "What do you mean?" asked the pilot.
    Larry looked at the pilot and answered a little annoyed, "I need to take some pictures for the paper, so please….."
    There was a long pause, before the pilot asked in a shaky voice, "you mean you're not my flying instructor?"

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    In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury to be proud of:
    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
    In the defence's closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. ??
    Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."??
    The jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. ??
    "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." ??
    The jury foreman replied: "Yes, we did look, but your client didn't."

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    Quote Originally Posted by samlad View Post
    In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury to be proud of:
    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
    In the defence's closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. ??
    Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."??
    The jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. ??
    "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." ??
    The jury foreman replied: "Yes, we did look, but your client didn't."
    Class answer I like that foreman


    " WE ARE CONNACHT "

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    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking the cognitive ability to speak or understand english. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out the door, knocking over a few tables in the process.
    Last edited by Jiberjabber; 08-10-14 at 14:25.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jiberjabber View Post
    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking the cognitive ability to speak or understand english. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out the door, knocking over a few tables in the process.

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    Two owls playing pool. One owl plays a foul shot. Other says "two hits". First owl says " two hits? Two hits to who?"

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    A nun is getting changed when there's a knock at the door.

    In a state of undress, she shouts "who's there?"

    "Blind man," comes the reply.

    Reassured, she calls, "come in."

    The door opens, and a chap walks in. "Nice tits, sister, where do want this blind?"

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