how do you deal with grief

[Stephanie]

men should cry and talk
i cried a while ago an i felt ashamed and embarrassed for crying
maybe its because i am suppose to be a man and strong
i don't know

Some fifteen years ago I had a tragic death , destroyed my soul.

It was sudden , a tragic accident , died in my arms.

I held them in my arms for hours , couldn't let go , took me a week to release the body for cremation.

I howled and buckled in grief. Howled into the desert , howled through the night.

Then became a zombie , unable to cope with everyday. The sorrow crippled me , that loss changed and eroded who I was.

Crying ? I cried a lot.

Took me two years to recover.


In recent times I have stopped crying , and seem to be able to move on faster , my recent griefs buried deep in my soul.

But can go on.

[Sexy Sandy 69]

As said by others 'Talk', women tend to talk more than men, men do bottle up their emotions, there's nothing wrong with holding your hands up & saying I need help. It's not a weakness, it's a strength. As the saying goes 'a problem shared is a problem halved'.

Sandy x

[Vitruvian]

I enjoy my solitude, me time, yet in time's of grief, it's when it hurt the most.
Yes, talking to people helps and yet, it's that same strength that made you care that will ultimately heal, it's in you !!
That and time.

[SteveB]

It does take two years to get over any sort of shock or trauma.
Four or five days and you have usually got over the initial shock.
Some cases you never really get over it completely.
It is not something you want to repeat (not that you have a choice) but the more you experience it, usually the better you deal with it.

It is worth remembering that grief can be a selfish thing, and unless the loss is particularly close to you, there is usually someone closer to the person who may need more support (and support from you) than you do.

But, how do you deal with it? I don't know. Everyone has to cope with it in their own way, I guess.

[beautyaddict]

Some fifteen years ago I had a tragic death , destroyed my soul.

It was sudden , a tragic accident , died in my arms.

I held them in my arms for hours , couldn't let go , took me a week to release the body for cremation.

I howled and buckled in grief. Howled into the desert , howled through the night.

Then became a zombie , unable to cope with everyday. The sorrow crippled me , that loss changed and eroded who I was.

Crying ? I cried a lot.

Took me two years to recover.


In recent times I have stopped crying , and seem to be able to move on faster , my recent griefs buried deep in my soul.

But can go on.

Stephanie thank you for your honesty, grief is complex and I have seen it manifest in many different ways, I also had someone die in my arms but a stranger it never left me and never will < i also have had the dreaded police knock on the door and the Death letter, on that one went into a active state for awhile then it hit me like a sledgehammer. Then there is the broken heart another intense form of grief, one thing I can say is with time it becomes less frequent and your life eventually returns to you, as to coping mechanism's I think its a mix talking to friends talking to support groups or indeed forums . I some times see grief like an orbiting planet, initially it is in constant contact with you then over time the orbit broadens and the darkness/sorrow it brings slowly becomes not constant every day, then fairly frequent ,and eventually occasional, perhaps accepting that one has to go through this valley and it is normal/natural is a starting point.
But can go on.[/QUOTE]