Too many people called paws - so not original

[Ron n Reg]

Aw white who the fuck grassed us up, we got bent coppers all round an we aint going back inside

WHO WOZ IT??? You tony?

[TONY] no me boss, u wanna se my little friend u mothda fuckar?

YOU BABS?

[Babs] ohhhh what a carry on eh syd

LIZBET? SURELY NOT YOU?

[Lizbet] NERRRRRRRRRRRRR

MR MARVADOS?

[Mr Marvado] me no speaky no engleesh senoir ron n reg

DEN WHO THE FUCK WOZ IT (hang on……Highwayman’s not ere but e is ouat there with the filth? E’s only gone an dun us up like a kipper.

HIGHWAYMAN!!!!! IT’S THE FUCKIN HIGHJUMP FOR WHEN WE GET R HANDS ON YOU ME OLE MUKKA

[theme music to Eastenders]

[gene hunt]

DEN WHO THE FUCK WOZ IT (hang onHighwaymans not ere but e is ouat there with the filth? Es only gone an dun us up like a kipHIGHWAYMAN!!!!! ITS THE FUCKIN HIGHJUMP FOR WHEN WE GET R HANDS ON YOU ME OLE MUKKA

too late highway, theyve rumbled your de squeeler. we,re goin 2 stik u in protective custard for a while over in escort tours. det sgt brenda bb and det constable anna S is goin 2 b lookin after u 4 a while, me ol son. dont 4get your 13 euro coins reward now

[Paris Hilton]

Aw white who the fuck grassed us up, we got bent coppers all round an we aint going back inside

WHO WOZ IT??? You tony?

[TONY] no me boss, u wanna se my little friend u mothda fuckar?

YOU BABS?

[Babs] ohhhh what a carry on eh syd

LIZBET? SURELY NOT YOU?

[Lizbet] NERRRRRRRRRRRRR

MR MARVADOS?

[Mr Marvado] me no speaky no engleesh senoir ron n reg

DEN WHO THE FUCK WOZ IT (hang on……Highwayman’s not ere but e is ouat there with the filth? E’s only gone an dun us up like a kipper.

HIGHWAYMAN!!!!! IT’S THE FUCKIN HIGHJUMP FOR WHEN WE GET R HANDS ON YOU ME OLE MUKKA

[theme music to Eastenders]

Don't tell anyone but it was Brucie with his bonus in the kitchen with a carving knife...

Actually it was Epsilon and his mates *removed*.............and the fat one nessa has the lorry she is useful though dont hurt her cos shes up the duff..........

[Paris Hilton]

Not this time boys, that bird wi the GOB liz hilton has sung like a canary. These boys is all goin down.

She may have sung like a canary which is why she isn't on the x-factor any more.

Gee you are one hell of a man mr hunt ..........got the hots for you too........wow looks like its good being rich........i can afford both of you - whats your rates.........


The rich bitch Paris Hilton.........name your price boys those concrete jackets can wait for some time real soon..........

[gene hunt]

She may have sung like a canary which is why she isn't on the x-factor any more Gee you are one hell of a man mr hunt ..........got the hots for you too........wow looks like its good being rich........i can afford both of you - whats your rates.........The rich bitch Paris Hilton.........name your price boys those concrete jackets can wait for some time real soon.......

ok miss hilton, get ese cuffs on, ur comin down to the station 4 some overnight questioning, you rich yankie bint. right, we,ll b startin wit a stripsearch miss................

[carlos marvado]

Who are you calling Irish muppets. It's time you cockney lot were sorted out. I'm getting my pistols out. The Krays get it first. Then I'll square up to the Mitchells. Johnny Allens just a pussycat. Who else from the Eastend is coming here? Frank Butcher, Steve Owen, Dirty Den or your secret weapon fat Pat Butcher and her big earings

No highwayman, not fat Pat Butcher and her f***ing big earings. Let her in and Dot Cotton will surely follow.

The thought of those two peddling their asses on here would turn any man to drink.

[Kent Brockman]

Kent Brockman here reporting live from outside Apu’s quickiemart here in downtown Springf IE ld where a ruthless band of thugs and miscreants are holding out and involved in a shootout to the death with Springfields finest but not brightest, our very own Chief Wiggum, ably assisted by UK special agent Gene Hunt who has been on their trail since the 70’s.

Details are sketchy but we believe one of their gang, a ‘Lizbet’ has been taken out by SWAT sniper specialist Patricia but is believed to only have been nicked and is expected to make a full recovery in about a week. She’s a tough old bird and is well used to being picked off by that particular sniper and just keeps coming back for more.

Amongst the hostages is believed to be a Mr H Simpson, his son and sideshow bob, Moe and the proprietor. Not sure how they are doing but we are confident that they have a plentiful supply of squishee’s to last them through this terrible but perfect for primetime news ordeal.

The robbers/kidnapers have issued a list of demands which go as follows.

Ron n Reg :
Allowed one phone call to dear ole mum

Grant n Phil :
Much the same

Lizbet [before she was taken out for a week] :
All gingers to be forcibly dyed another color or driven into the Atlantic
Chelsea to win all matches by at least double digits from now on by law
Only London investment bankers to be allowed to punt and not the rest of us plebes

Carlos Marvado :
Basically world domination by some form of Marxist led outdated dogma or other
Or just a never ending air ticket to Brazil

Tony :
Still drawing up his list and even the rest of the gang feel it best not to disturb him

So there you have it folks its bedlam down here at the quickiemart but rest assured that I Kent Brockman am on top of things and as soon as I know……you’ll know……

[thehighwayman]

too late highway, theyve rumbled your de squeeler. we,re goin 2 stik u in protective custard for a while over in escort tours. det sgt brenda bb and det constable anna S is goin 2 b lookin after u 4 a while, me ol son. dont 4get your 13 euro coins reward now

Theres knowher I'd rather be. I look forward to the strip search.

As for Ron N Reg. I heard you've been fratenising with another shirt lifter Michael Barrymore awhite.

[Bigbadjohn]

As for Ron N Reg. I heard you've been fratenising with another shirt lifter Michael Barrymore awhite.

anyone getting barrymore,s new book for xmas

bbj

[Ron n Reg]

Theres knowher I'd rather be. I look forward to the strip search.

As for Ron N Reg. I heard you've been fratenising with another shirt lifter Michael Barrymore awhite.

Yoz can run you toerag but yoz can’t hide u grassed us up an landed or Lizbet in the mire my son, she took a bullet for you you orrible little wanka.

An another thing you leave our ‘Micheal’ out of it mate if yoz knows whats good for ya sunshine