cheating

[Curvaceous Kate]

[QUOTE=Theomegaman;1390226]

I suppose it depends on who's perspective you are looking from and the situation. Someone in their early 30's, maybe with a young family. Yes they can start again, although they would miss out on bringing their children up, but they're still young enough to live a good life on their own or find someone new. Is it the same when you get to your 50's or 60's when you have 25+ years history with the same person?

I think it changes hugely as time goes by. I agree that you have to be true to yourself, but then sometimes we can feel guilty for doing the right thing, if we know it's going to hurt someone, so I'm not sure feeling guilty is a good enough reason to alter behaviour. You have to look at at the big picture, way up the pro's and con's and not just look at what you can live with, but what the other people depending on you can live with.

For many seeing an Escort is the best solution and of course being discrete is vital, but certainly not something to be done on a whim.[/

The longer an affair or cheating goes on the more hurt will be caused if found out. Believe me I have been in the middle of 2 people families , threats , also against the other party.
It ended up a horrible situation in courts , divorces , child access problems the lot. Because when it was found out , it was also found out how long it had been going on for. My point , if your having an affair or feel the need to the longer it goes on you have a problem. Visiting escorts is an option. But I remember reading a warning post from I think it was Mature Abby warning people to clear their phones or something it's as simple as that and your caught.
Play with fire and you will get burnt.
And when I was finished my divorce my legal team were moving on to their next one. Both in their sixties and no longer together.

You make no distinction between having an affair or seeing an Escort at all?

In the UK the law seems to be different. My Mum was much worse off for the divorce, as she owned property and all his money was in assets for the business. She got next to nothing and a hold put on her home so she could not sell it, which is still binding today years later. She did nothing wrong. It was her life that was ruined, not his.

I still think that people put too much emphasis on morally cheating compared to other forms of cheating. When you cheat someone of their self respect, their independence, their friends etc etc in the name of marriage, it is far worse than sex out of the marriage.

Having said that, when I was a swinger, I would not play with married men, or at least not one to one. I did not want to get emotionally involved with anyone who had a partner, as I didn't feel that was right. Maybe a female perspective, but for me that would be the hardest thing to cope with if I found someone I loved was playing away.

If they were seeing an Escort, I may come to terms with the fact they may have a kink I can't provide or anal or want to be severely dominated and I don't really want any of that. It night be I didn't know him as well as I should have before committing my life to him and maybe I need to take some responsibility for that. Some times in life we need to compromise and some may not be able to compromise with regards to sex, but most wouldn't be able to with regards to an affair.

[Theomegaman]

[QUOTE=CurvaceousKate;1390251]

You make no distinction between having an affair or seeing an Escort at all?

In the UK the law seems to be different. My Mum was much worse off for the divorce, as she owned property and all his money was in assets for the business. She got next to nothing and a hold put on her home so she could not sell it, which is still binding today years later. She did nothing wrong. It was her life that was ruined, not his.

I still think that people put too much emphasis on morally cheating compared to other forms of cheating. When you cheat someone of their self respect, their independence, their friends etc etc in the name of marriage, it is far worse than sex out of the marriage.

Having said that, when I was a swinger, I would not play with married men, or at least not one to one. I did not want to get emotionally involved with anyone who had a partner, as I didn't feel that was right. Maybe a female perspective, but for me that would be the hardest thing to cope with if I found someone I loved was playing away.

If they were seeing an Escort, I may come to terms with the fact they may have a kink I can't provide or anal or want to be severely dominated and I don't really want any of that. It night be I didn't know him as well as I should have before committing my life to him and maybe I need to take some responsibility for that. Some times in life we need to compromise and some may not be able to compromise with regards to sex, but most wouldn't be able to with regards to an affair.

Having an affair for some maybe be difficult , even trying to find that someone. Seeing an escort maybe easier.
But to answer your main point , wether it be an affair or seeing an escort they are both the same if your married its cheating. How many people are involved its still cheating.
It doesn't really bother me , but trying to justify it emotionally and with reason doesn't make sense. It cheating plain and simple. It happens every day , but if someone is in such a relationship that it's needed regularly , all I am saying is look at the relationship and where you see yourself in 20 years ?

[ebonylover1981]

It's cheating plain and simple. There's no sugar coating it with we'll my wife doesn't give me any at home. If that's the case would you not try to find out why instead of going to escorts. Maybe spend that money on her or getting her something nice to wear or treat her to something nice so she feels wanted and appreciated maybe she'd be more willing to put out if you did.

[Curvaceous Kate]

It's cheating plain and simple. There's no sugar coating it with we'll my wife doesn't give me any at home. If that's the case would you not try to find out why instead of going to escorts. Maybe spend that money on her or getting her something nice to wear or treat her to something nice so she feels wanted and appreciated maybe she'd be more willing to put out if you did.

so you're still paying for sex only you might not get it.

[Curvaceous Kate]

[QUOTE=Theomegaman;1390257]

Having an affair for some maybe be difficult , even trying to find that someone. Seeing an escort maybe easier.
But to answer your main point , wether it be an affair or seeing an escort they are both the same if your married its cheating. How many people are involved its still cheating.
It doesn't really bother me , but trying to justify it emotionally and with reason doesn't make sense. It cheating plain and simple. It happens every day , but if someone is in such a relationship that it's needed regularly , all I am saying is look at the relationship and where you see yourself in 20 years ?

I'm staying single. It's all too complicated for me. I don't have to worry about cheating then

[Baxter]

I've seen plenty of fights in swinging clubs and they get proper feisty too. I can understand that it must feel like a huge betrayal if one partner goes behind the others back, when they have already got so much consent and sexual freedom already. Some people just keep wanting to stretch the boundaries.

What has given rise to such fights ?

[Theomegaman]

[QUOTE=CurvaceousKate;1390352]

I'm staying single. It's all too complicated for me. I don't have to worry about cheating then

It is very complicated , I think living life first and getting all you desire out of the way is the trick. And if you find that special someone you will know what you need to tick all the boxes.
Marriage if necessary or a long term commitment are very difficult things to keep fresh particularly if you enter them to early without experiencing a bit of life first.
Thera nothing wrong with the experience.

[tom rambo]

got married when i was 21 had a lot off good years to

[Westsidex]

I disagree. Having an affair has the potential to hurt 3 people. Seeing an Escort potentially hurts 2 and possibly much less fatal and easier to revive from.

The problem with affairs is that you get too close to the other person and either fall in love yourself or they fall in love with you and if you should both fall in love, where does that leave the wife?

What I'm saying is damage limitation and yes of course having sex with a person outside your marriage is cheating, but there are lots of ways to cheat a marriage and that is only one of them. It seems strange to me that the others don't seem to create so much guilt, yet they generally play a huge part in why someone seeks to be with someone else.

Personally in an ideal world, I would have everyone communicating better and working through problems in an honest and up front way, but the pressures of ideology are so strong, people keep quiet about it and never tell the person that we love most, exactly how they feel.

How many times have I been told that a guys wife won't give him a blow job and I ask if she ever did and he says, 'No I dare not ask her, she would go mad! or 'she's not that kind of person, she is very religious'. So what they're actually telling me is that they have never told their partner what they really crave for, as they're too embarrassed or worried it will rock the boat and who knows, she might not have minded at all.

Sexual experimentation should be what you do with your life long partner right from the start. If you start as you mean to go on, then it shouldn't be difficult later on in the relationship and often things stop when you stop communicating and that is a two way thing. You are just as responsible as they are.

Oh and the person who said women prefer to keep to 2 positions!!!! My worst nightmare!!!! I actually stopped seeing a guy partly because all he ever wanted to do was cow girl. So boring!!!! I don't think so!

I have never met or heard of any woman, escort or otherwise ,that would be fine with what some you said here. The amount of hurt doesnt come into it nor does whether an affair or not.The guy would be fucked out the door and have to beg on his hands and knees to get back unless of course the woman is doing the same thing. Unless the guy asked her and she agreed and even that in most cases, asking if its ok to see an escort, would end things. Doubt me guys? Try it and see.

Westside.

[bollocks]

Good sex is hard to beat.....What surpises me is the number of escorts that I have met, who have been previously in loving relationships. Many also have children, and their relationships have broken down.
My question is, surely these men have got as good sex as is possible and why did such relationships break down. And why do so many escorts feel so bad about their es's.....

Is it just down to lack of variety? or what?