But surely, that is a definition of feminism? Not the only definition, or how some feminists see themselves and others—I'm thinking of 'radical feminists' in particular—the harsh views of such people are what turn many away from feminism.
No it isn't. Some feminists hate (some) men, to be sure; but not all 'feminists' hate all men. And by 'feminist' I include any and all reasonable people.