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Thread: liz joke thread

  1. #1
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    Talking liz joke thread

    whats the difference in liz hilton and shergar???????

    liz hilton hasn,t disappeared YET

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by shergar View Post
    whats the difference in liz hilton and shergar???????

    Liz hilton hasn,t disappeared yet :d :d :d
    absolute codswallop i may not have long left to go but for certain i shall not let u little paddies a. Steal pictures from my family albums, i took that photo at our exclusive holiday home we share with the pope r b. Make jokes about my dear elizebeth u paddies r easier than she said ergo we win 5 million points to me bastards...............

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    betty hilton walks into a bar, why such a long face? says the barman..

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    Quote Originally Posted by mommy hilton the 69th View Post
    absolute codswallop i may not have long left to go but for certain i shall not let u little paddies a. Steal pictures from my family albums, i took that photo at our exclusive holiday home we share with the pope r b. Make jokes about my dear elizebeth u paddies r easier than she said ergo we win 5 million points to me bastards...............
    are you and the rest of the hilton clan coming to get us??? should we be scared???
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    Default Betty in the lift

    betty hilton is going up in a lift in a very Iavish department store when a young, beautiful woman gets in, smelling of expensive scent. She turns to the old slapper and says arrogantly "Romance by Ralph Lauren, 100 a bottle."
    Then another young woman gets in the lift, She also turns to the old slapper and says snootily "Chanel No 5, 150 a bottle."
    A few floors later, betty has reached her destination. As she gets out, she looks both woman in the eye, then turns round, bends over and farts, saying "Broccoli, 25p a pound."

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    Default Betty goes for a face lift

    betty hilton in her 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob" where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
    Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob". Over the course of the months, the troll tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful. The troll remained young looking and vibrant.
    After fifteen months, the troll returned to the surgeon with two problems.
    "All of these months, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."
    The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."
    She sighed and said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee..."

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Epsilon View Post
    are you and the rest of the hilton clan coming to get us??? should we be scared???
    Those wer the days paddy! Epsilon the 14th letter of the chinese zodiac SLAM DUNK.. my elizebeth has told me about u you vile man u cant handle the hiltons we are like the waltens only just more fabulous... elizebeth said this was easy it is sooooooooooooo easy, sooooooooooo much easier than changing my own nappy with the dodgy hip the arthritus & my heart condition

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    Default not a lizzy joke

    its not a lizzy joke but...

    Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
    One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
    The Fairy Godmother replied: "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
    Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.
    Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!" The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again."
    At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again: "You have one more wish, what shall you have?"
    Cinderella looked over to Alan, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. "I wish you to transform my old cat, Alan, into a beautiful and handsome young man." Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stoof before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
    The Fairy Godmother said: "Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life." With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
    For a few moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms.
    He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by mommy hilton the 69th View Post
    Those wer the days paddy! Epsilon the 14th letter of the chinese zodiac SLAM DUNK.. my elizebeth has told me about u you vile man u cant handle the hiltons we are like the waltens only just more fabulous... elizebeth said this was easy it is sooooooooooooo easy, sooooooooooo much easier than changing my own nappy with the dodgy hip the arthritus & my heart condition

    Sorry to hear that your covered in shit, mommy hilton, but can you not get your grand bastard to clean you up before his lunch time strap on session..he might just oblidge you. tell him to wheel you out onto the driveway and use a pressure washer.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by epsilon View Post
    sorry to hear that your covered in shit, mommy hilton, but can you not get your grand bastard to clean you up before his lunch time strap on session..he might just oblidge you. Tell him to wheel you out onto the driveway and use a pressure washer.
    o soooooooooo easy john major is doing it as we speak as my grand bastered is out picking out a dress for the night he works the street like a proper hore we are all so proud of him

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