Consenting to Sex

[Empirical]

I have to admit, that personally I would not work in a place with other ladies. For me it's about keeping things as normal as possible and I like inviting someone into my place and there being no other distractions. I think it's more relaxed and if I want to have a chat afterwards or ask the client to help me work my new printer for example, then I can, where as working in an establishment there would be a feeling of no privacy and working to time constraints and needing to work more while I'm there. No popping out to the shops for a break.

Having said that, I'm sure plenty would be fine with it. Just not me.

Fair enough. But the problem at present is that you are legally prevented from having a PA, bouncer or whatever with you; I know of no other occupation where the law requires you to work alone.

Having said that, I do agree with your point about working alone, somehow that seems much more "natural" whereas going to a brothel and looking down a shopping list seems, well, a bit yucky. But then, I've never been to one. But, how about a condominium, where several work from one apartment, but are wholly separate and independent?

[Baxter]

I have to admit, that personally I would not work in a place with other ladies. For me it's about keeping things as normal as possible and I like inviting someone into my place and there being no other distractions. I think it's more relaxed and if I want to have a chat afterwards or ask the client to help me work my new printer for example, then I can, where as working in an establishment there would be a feeling of no privacy and working to time constraints and needing to work more while I'm there. No popping out to the shops for a break.

Having said that, I'm sure plenty would be fine with it. Just not me.

That sounds like imprisonment !

Never liked the idea of such a place , too impersonal. I cant understand the concept of guys enjoying a coffee and a chat in the lounge whilst they wait for their ladies. And as for choosing from a line-up !

[Baxter]

Given the current organised and well funded campaign against sex work, I thought it might be a good idea to put some of their favourite arguments up for discussion. I was thinking of perhaps posting one a day.

First up is an anonymous comment I read on a blog recently, but one which I've heard several times before:

''Buying a woman's consent to sex is no consent at all.''

Interested in your thoughts on this.

I can understand that. There is the consent of allowing and then there is the consent of pro-active participation. Big difference.

[bluefan1]

I think the same can be said for many different jobs. Many people work in jobs they don't particularly like and would not choose to do if they could afford not to, but their situation means that they continue with the work until a better opportunity comes their way. Think of all those people that continually send out C.V.s for jobs while they are employed. They are not all doing it to 'better themselves', but because they find themselves in a job that is ill suited to them. Likely the same situation happens with Sex Work, but it doesn't make it a terrible situation or any worse than anyone else in a similar situation. They could choose to stop if they really wanted to, but have likely decided it is the better of the two choices to continue.

Except most jobs don't have the threat of jail hanging over their head and instead have all the normal benefits available to them such as social welfare, health & security etc. I agree a great many ( a large majority if my experience is a guide - though they could have all been great actors!) are in the profession because they want to. But if even a few are not then these deserve our attention.

[Rachel Divine]

I have a question.

Is it okay to have consensual sex with an escort who gives the money to her partner?

[10inchesandcounting]

Given the current organised and well funded campaign against sex work, I thought it might be a good idea to put some of their favourite arguments up for discussion. I was thinking of perhaps posting one a day.

First up is an anonymous comment I read on a blog recently, but one which I've heard several times before:

''Buying a woman's consent to sex is no consent at all.''

Interested in your thoughts on this.

Buying a woman's consent to sex , being a gift, present is common practice within a marriage, even in good family when the parents tell their daughter: don't marry this boy he is not good enough for you, but go and "sale" yourself to this one who has much better prospect.

[Curvaceous Kate]

Fair enough. But the problem at present is that you are legally prevented from having a PA, bouncer or whatever with you; I know of no other occupation where the law requires you to work alone.

Having said that, I do agree with your point about working alone, somehow that seems much more "natural" whereas going to a brothel and looking down a shopping list seems, well, a bit yucky. But then, I've never been to one. But, how about a condominium, where several work from one apartment, but are wholly separate and independent?

I think part of me smarts at the idea of everyone knowing what I am doing. I am a private person and as such would rather have the choice as to who I tell and who knows. I don't want to be in a building where people walk by and say, 'Oh there is the local brothel' as I walk out of the building, because people's preconception of you as a person automatically change, as soon as they know and I don't think that will ever change, even if the 'job' becomes more acceptable.

Again it is about 'choice' and for me to choose. There are not many jobs that come with a label and judgement on your character and many places of work have a variety of positions in them, so you don't see a lady walk into a hospital and assume she is a nurse, as she could be a patient, a doctor, a secretary etc, so no one is judging her for walking into that building.

The first time I worked in Athlone, I was walking in the street and a man started to talk to me and said he thought he knew me. I had never been there before, so laughed it off and he invited me over for a drink. I thought that was a bit over friendly, but then I realised that the pub was adjacent to the apartment I was staying in, which had obviously been used a lot and he must have been an EI user. I hated that. I hated the fact that a complete stranger knew what I was doing and felt it was okay to approach me in that manner.

I do agree that we should be able to employ people and have relationships that don't label our partner a 'pimp'. The law as it stands is ridiculous and does make life more dangerous, but I would also want to fight for my right to privacy and anonymity. I don't think it is anyone's business what I am doing and I don't want to feel like I'm living in a gold fish bowl. I would still rather work, where I want to work and in a location that suits my personality and what I want to offer my clients, but with the knowledge that I am safe and as you say, if I want to hire someone to be my PA, Guard etc, then I should have the right to do that.

[Curvaceous Kate]

Buying a woman's consent to sex , being a gift, present is common practice within a marriage, even in good family when the parents tell their daughter: don't marry this boy he is not good enough for you, but go and "sale" yourself to this one who has much better prospect.

My Mum can be a bit of a gossip. I remember once going over to the local sauna with her and we are sat there allegedly relaxing and she told me she had been gossiping with her girl friends there about me divorcing my ex husband and they all thought I should stay with him and wait until he got his pension. (he would get one after 22 years in service and had around another 5 years to go).

Quite frankly I felt disgusted with their point of view. That they would have me live a miserable existence for the sake of money. Regardless of whether anyone expected me to have sex with him or not in that time, to actually say that I was mad to leave him and I was in the wrong, when the marriage was not just bad, but making me soulfully unhappy for the sake of money!

Personally I don't see it as me giving consent, as I don't see it as consent to type a document for someone while working as a Secretary. We make decisions in life and we have choices. Some people choose to push their bodies to the limit every day and enter the Olympics, some people choose to do nothing and sit in front of the gogglebox all day wishing they had more money. Why make a big thing about consent when it comes to a job that includes sex? It is my choice to be a Sex Worker and I seem to spend most of my time fighting to be able to make that choice, because people want to take that away from me. Who made them God? Did I give them consent to act on my behalf?

People are not buying our consent. They are buying our time, our company and our skill base, that we choose to offer as our means of work. It's as simple as that.

[Curvaceous Kate]

Except most jobs don't have the threat of jail hanging over their head and instead have all the normal benefits available to them such as social welfare, health & security etc. I agree a great many ( a large majority if my experience is a guide - though they could have all been great actors!) are in the profession because they want to. But if even a few are not then these deserve our attention.

I'm still paying tax and I get working tax credit, although that may stop this year due to increase of earnings working over here full time. I get the same as anyone else and I could put some money aside and pay for bupa if I wanted to. I don't know of any self employed people who get holiday pay or sick leave, so that is one of the draw backs of being self employed, but if you work carefully, you should be able to put some money aside for those events. I try and keep an over flow of €2000 in my account for things like that, which should give me one months grace in the event of illness or accident.

I've never actually been in a job that had extra benefits for health and security, but I agree, we should be able to employ someone for our security or have the choice to work with someone else if we want to.

[clarelad]

I'm still paying tax and I get working tax credit, although that may stop this year due to increase of earnings working over here full time. I get the same as anyone else and I could put some money aside and pay for bupa if I wanted to. I don't know of any self employed people who get holiday pay or sick leave, so that is one of the draw backs of being self employed, but if you work carefully, you should be able to put some money aside for those events. I try and keep an over flow of €2000 in my account for things like that, which should give me one months grace in the event of illness or accident.

I've never actually been in a job that had extra benefits for health and security, but I agree, we should be able to employ someone for our security or have the choice to work with someone else if we want to.

Kate you're own person and it's you're life and it's private once you're happy is the main thing