Whats the difference between the english and the Scottish ............... the english have good neigbours!!
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Irish Jokes!!!
Whats the difference between the english and the Scottish ............... the english have good neigbours!!
Paws
Last edited by bigpaws; 10-11-08 at 23:52.
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An Irishman , English man and a Scottish man were walking along the beach when they found a lamp . The Scot picks it up , rubs it and out pops a Genie . Seeing as how there is 3 of them the Genie gives them only 1 wish each .
The Scot says "ok i want enough money to keep me happy for the rest of my life". The Genie snaps his fingers and the Scot is rich .
The English man says "i'm sick of all the fuckin bastards coming into my country and taking our women and jobs , i want you to put a big fuckin wall all around England so no more foreign bastards can enter england again , and i'l be happy to never enter england again , so long as i know its protected. So the genie snaps his fingers and a wall 1000ft high and 250ft thick springs up all around england . Nothing can get in or out again ever .
The Irish man says to the genie "are you sure that the wall around england is strong and nothing can escape ? The genie replies, " absolutely nothing will escape ". So the irish man replies "ok then fill the fucking thing up with water ".
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An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained.
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to"
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A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"
"No, I couldn't find her head."
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