Noah... A review....

[JAMESCORK]

OK.. I'm just back after seeing the epic blockbuster that is Noah. If you are looking forward to seeing this movie and dont want to spoil it for yourselves click away now, because I have to admit, this move was........................
































FUCKIN STUUUUPAH.......

WTF... was that?. Yer man Darren Aronofsky, who also directed The Black Swan, must be on drugs. This story was much different to what I have learned in catechism classes in school. I dont remember any stuuupah rock monsters. I don't remember any barren, lunar type landscapes populated with the cast of Mad Max. The potential was there to tell a great bible story using a huge budget, yet I felt cheated and disappointed instead.

Russel Crowe did his best with the amateurish script given. He stomped around the Hollywood contrived set, all moody and broody as only Crowe knows how to do. Emma Watson, playing his adopted daughter, was weak and hamish in her role, and only the fact that she is a lasher I would have found her performance forgettable. Crowes missus was a bit of alright, Jennifer Connelly, but a bad director left me wanting more from her. The only good performance came from the baddie, Ray Winstone, cockney accent and all.

The one big battle scene was a failure, with poor CGI as hundreds of terrified wannabe rescuees ran to get on-board the Ark, fought off by those stuuuupah Rock monsters... and when I say hundreds, it was like the loaves and fishes... where the fuck did they all come from... stupid, stupid stupid...

I'm sorry now, but I found Fr. O'Callaghan more convincing, when he told us it was a mortal sin to touch our penises in the changing rooms of the school baths, than the storyline of this "epic" film....

Disappointed......

[NoBrain2]

I heard it was shite, thanks for the confirmation, wont be seeing it

[dr love]

Pmsl !!!.: doc

[Clyde]

Did Noah have 2 langers on the boat.

[zoozoozoo]

So a total wash out then

[EIFII]

Did Noah have 2 langers on the boat.

Must have
Or did they mutate subsequently?

[Clyde]

Must have
Or did they mutate subsequently?

Well we now know what happens the Dodo...

[scankman]

What's all this talk about Catechism in School with Priest's
Tell the Truth ya Auld Langer ......
You were there in person that's how you know so much about it . Lol
And Doc you weren't too far behind him boarding haha

[Westsidex]

OK.. I'm just back after seeing the epic blockbuster that is Noah. If you are looking forward to seeing this movie and dont want to spoil it for yourselves click away now, because I have to admit, this move was........................
































FUCKIN STUUUUPAH.......

WTF... was that?. Yer man Darren Aronofsky, who also directed The Black Swan, must be on drugs. This story was much different to what I have learned in catechism classes in school. I dont remember any stuuupah rock monsters. I don't remember any barren, lunar type landscapes populated with the cast of Mad Max. The potential was there to tell a great bible story using a huge budget, yet I felt cheated and disappointed instead.

Russel Crowe did his best with the amateurish script given. He stomped around the Hollywood contrived set, all moody and broody as only Crowe knows how to do. Emma Watson, playing his adopted daughter, was weak and hamish in her role, and only the fact that she is a lasher I would have found her performance forgettable. Crowes missus was a bit of alright, Jennifer Connelly, but a bad director left me wanting more from her. The only good performance came from the baddie, Ray Winstone, cockney accent and all.

The one big battle scene was a failure, with poor CGI as hundreds of terrified wannabe rescuees ran to get on-board the Ark, fought off by those stuuuupah Rock monsters... and when I say hundreds, it was like the loaves and fishes... where the fuck did they all come from... stupid, stupid stupid...

I'm sorry now, but I found Fr. O'Callaghan more convincing, when he told us it was a mortal sin to touch our penises in the changing rooms of the school baths, than the storyline of this "epic" film....

Disappointed......

Crowe is getting worse and worse. I think he outdid himself so much with gladiator that he being trying to better that since. As far as I know he produced noah as well? The very story would suggest he is clueless at producing. Reminds me of Eastwood.

Westside.

[Martin Ward]

The story of Noah is a case of the biggest genocide in 'history'

It may have been more realistic if you found new born babies drowning in the flood, and Noah buggering off into the distance...not sure it would make it past the censors though!