E-I June Competition

[magicalman9357]

E-I June Competition

The E-I June Competition is now open for entries.

250 Euros in Amazon E Vouchers up for grabs.

Funniest mock punter interview.

Enter as many times as you like.

Closing date and time: Sunday 23 June at Midnight.

Winner to be announced: Thursday 27 June.

Please read the Competition rules before submitting your entries.

https://www.escort-ireland.com/board...petition-Rules

Good Luck Everyone.

[Hagane00]

[Doozer]

*********The names of the client has been removed to protect their identity********


Sam:" Well how are you doing this morning?

Not JamesCork: "Im find boyo, everythings grand here down the Peoples Republic of Cork loike"

Sam: " Glad to hear that you in such a good mood, so tell us how long have you been seeing escorts?"

NJC: " Well now let me see, Ive been seeing them for the last 20 years Sam, Ive seen big ones small ones pretty ones ugly ones,and on one drunken occasion I had Clyde

Sam: " Clyde, and how did that go down with you"

NJC: " Actually Sam , if I remember correctly I ...... ahem , went down on him , ah Sam can you leave out the part about me and Clyde? Might look bad for my image and all that

Sam: "Sorry NJC , cant do that. I am trying to portray an accurate picture of you for the readers"

NJC: " Fuck it anyway"

Sam: " Moving on, how did you get into seeing escorts ?"

NJC: " Well Sam, its like this. I have been on the Farm now in the Real Capital of Ireland, Cork, all my life and when I wasnt inseminating the cows and sheep the old fashioned way I was pulling the micky off myself.
causing sever srain and ruptured tendons on my arms and friction burns on little NCJ. Well, one night as I was on the internet looking for some wank material I stumbled upon this site, with women aplenty for my to choose from
I mean it was like Dominoes for my dick, I could check the menue , order a bird loike and she would be delivered to the farm for me to have my way with. I says to meself, this is the greatest thing to come to Cork since Micheal Collins.
So from that day on I started punting and I have been enjoying it ever since"

Sam: " Excellent, so who was your favorite "take away"

NJC: " Wow, there have been so many, I do be advertisig an awful lot of them in most of my posts, so its very hard to pick a favourite."

Sam: " Ok, so there isnt one escort that stands out to you, you know, one expierence that youll never forget?"

NJC " Being pummelled by Clyde is something that I will be trying to forget for the rest of my life. He ripped the fucing arse off me so he did, the bollix."

Sam: " Ha ha , good stuff, so you have had your gay expierence then"

NJC: " Im not gay loike Sam"

Sam: " But you were with Clyde"

NJC: " yEAH but Sam, Im not Gay, I just like occasionly brokeback expirence but Im not gay."

Sam: " Ok , moving on, your obviously a very intelligent fellow, what other interests do you have outside of seeing escorts?"

NJC: " Well, Im an avid reader, I have a wide collection of viz , the Beano and Dandy and a cupboard full of the dirtest skin mags youll ever see.
I am also an avid movie buff and I have a massive collection of the dirties movies that would make the live performers in Amsterdam blush."
I also watch the my beloved Munster. Other than that the farm takes up most of my time

Sam " Ok, well tell me something that most people dont know about you."

NJC " I have a masters in Toxicology and I am the spit of Bradly Cooper, actually I could be Bradlys stand in if I didnt have to speak as my Cork accent would come through."

Sam " Wow, a masters in Toxicology, thats very impressive "

NJC " Thanks Sam, it came in handy after a being in Thailand, I was able to both self diagnose and treat all my ailments that I contracted of some thai wan over there. "

Sam " Legened , thaks for taking the time to talk to me "

NJC " No problem Sam , you Langer"

[IanK]

[Doozer]

Sam "Ladies and gentlmen , punters and escorts may I present to you now our very own Anon"

Anon " Hi Sam, its great to be finally recognised for my input to this site"

Sam "Ok, so Anon what made you decide to start seeing the ladies?"

Anon "Well Sam its like this. Mrs Anon is drop dead gorgeous, intelligent is everything a man could want except, if that man is me
and Anon juniour just loves varity. So I try and get the best of bothworlds by banging as many beautiful women as I can. You see Sam
life, unlike my cock , is very short andshould be grabbed by the enourmously handsome balls at every chance. You dont want to end up old and wrinkled
and look back on your life and said, fuck I wish I shagged more women. more exoitic beauties that I could beat off with my enormous todger.

Sam " So what are your pet peaves?"

Anon " Lets see, your not going to ban me for this are you. I hate a certain type of motorist, a certain gender and a certain type of people should never be allowed
around me when I am driving. Actually scratch that, Nobody should be allowed anywhere near a road when I Anon deMassivecock go crusin on my bike, especailly when Im
on a promise from one of the ladies here. Also I hate that a lot of escorts lie about their profile and states. I would never lie to them so I expect the same respect.
I never say I have a 10 foot schlong when its actually onely 8 foot."

Sam "Indeed, so what do you look for in a lady"

Anon " Myself obviosuly. You know, I see a profile, if I like the look of her and she has a verified profile, Im there. ANything else doesnt matter
not price not services nothing , I can afford whatever I want, not only have I a sexy wife, handsome and a cock most pornstars woud dies for I am extremly rich.
In fact I am now speaking to you from my own little Island in the Bahamas , surrounded by many exotic creaters and my manservant Eduardo, who lets just say is a small fellow indeed"

Sam " Well as one of the most established posters here, can you say whats key to having along E-I lifespan"

Anon " Yes Sam I have been here a long time, longer than most of these blow ins, like yourself there froggy.
It helps when all the ladies here love you and lets be honest it is they who should be paying me for time on my huge rod. I mean seriously
anyway, I am a leader of men, I know all the nooks and crannies on this site and I know more than most board member and mods and managers. You know I am
too overqualified just to be a regualer boards memeber, you do realise the only reason you have a job is because I turned Patricia down in the early days
Anyway, this interview is over, I am waiting for the something I slipped into wifys drink to take affect before I can have my way with our Island maid"


Sam " You really are a despicible person arent you"

Anon " I am indeed, Sammy but admit it , you wish you were me"

[Larrii]

==mock punter interview===

Shamlad: Patrick, you’ve been chosen from a random selection of new members of the site to see how the process worked for you, and to suggest any improvements, is that OK?


MP: Yeh dead on.


Shamlad: Is “Patrick” OK or would you rather I used your username “fastharddude1” instead?


MP: All me mates do call me Trico.


Shamlad: So, Trico, how did a young Dublin lad like you come to think of visiting escorts?


MP: Well, I’m 28 and seen a lot of mots in me time. And girls I’d meet on me holliers. Buh, like, comin up to marryin age I thought I’d see if I was missin anntin like.


Shamlad: Are you employed at present?


MP: I’m with the ESB drivin a van for a team and studyin towards a tech and so yeh I’m on 2,500 a month and savin a lot for a house or sumtin, you know yourself like. Electric Ireland its called now so it is.


Shamlad: So tell me about your first escort?


MP: Well I’m lookin at the website and I’d say I spent the best part of a weekend lookin and workin out the nicest mot livin in the handiest part of Dublin, and on the Monday I call this one Julia in me lunchbreak, a blondie kind of a chick, only she said she was in Cavan. Jaze, sez I, it said “Northwood Dublin 9” so it did. “Ay em een Cavan now honey, so sarry, I vant see you in a month love, you sound like very nice may-an.”


A month, right so, and that evenin I put up a list of numbers in case this happened again. I’ll give you very nice darlin. You know yerself Shamlad, a little thing like that could drive you mental so it could.


Shamlad: Yes, I can see that it might. Tell me about your first visit Trico.


MP: Well 2 days later I called Antalya, a Turkish girl with a fancy lookin ass on her, lookin for 80 euro for the half hour. Half an hour! Jaze I’d be done and out in 10 minutes so I would. I tried for 10 minutes at 30 euros, but we got cut off real sudden like. I called her back and we agreed on the 80 for 30 that evenin at 9. And I get me marchin orders: “Must be clean love, smell clean, be clean all over hun”.


I had a late roster that day and I’m out at 8 and went for a pint down from her place to steady the nerves like. What if she was a tranny? What if she was a nympho and did me an injury? What if she was a bleedin guard in disguise? What if I couldn’t get it up? What if she had a boyfriend like yer man that got blinded in “In Bruges”? Shamlad, you can see I’m a practical-minded kind of a fella.


Shamlad: Yes, Trico. Never mind, you overcame these colourful outpourings of your imagination, and tell me what happened next.


MP: I can tell you’re an educated man, a scholar like, so y’are. So I follee’d the pint with a chaser or two and went up the street at 10 to 9 and called her and get the address. Flats with an entryphone, the half of Dublin does have “1798” for a code, I’m guessin it’s 1798. “Poosh ze button on ze right Treeco”.


“Jaze darlin there’s 20 buttons on the right - and don’t say me name out loud”. It takes an age to find the right one. Could do your head in, a thing like that. Up the lift and I’m clutchin me envelope with 80 in it. The door opens and she’s on about the smell of drink off of me. “Ay am good mooslim girl, can’t see man who dreenk”. “Look I’ll have a shower and do me teeth darlin”. “I say on phone you must be clean, smell clean, Treeco”. “Fer foooks sake, I’m only the bleedin same as any other man on the streets of Dublin at 9 in the evenin”. “Come in honey”.


And then I seen the size of her - not the same mot as in the photos at all, at all. Built like a tank so she was, there’ll be no joy had with this one. I wouldn’t have the strength in me, I’m not built for it so I’m not. “Sorry darlin” and I’m out of there.


Shamlad: So what did you do next?


MP: Funny but I was thinkin of me uncle Jack out in Walkner [Walkinstown] that does breed the jack russells. Last year he was puttin a young dog to his bitch and it wasn’t workin. So on day 2 sez he: “I got me head down on the ground beside her to kind of help him in like, and didn’t he come in me fookin eye”. But it worked on day 3.


Shamlad: You Dubliners always cope admirably with adversity. Did you call another girl on your list?


MP: I did of course, an east european chick this time, name of Morea, about a mile away. She wanted me at 10 but then I had to wait. “Shall I have a pint so?” Jaze I’ll be plastered by the time we meet - spannered at this rate so I will. “No huuun, just een 5 minutes, have to get ready for you, love you voice hun, can you wait hun?” “Yeh OK”. While I’m waiting a fella runs out of the place.


Same form with the buttons and she’s a doll so she is. I plays it cool: “You must be… Morea?” “…end yoo must be meester Treeco?” she oozes. “No better man” sez I, with me cheeky smile, chin out, cheesy as you like: “I’m here to persuade you to buy some life insurance”. A puzzled look on her face. Gotya. I push forward the envelope and she smiles.


Shamlad: You’re in the door Trico, you like Morea, how did you feel?


MP: Well kind of weird, a radio turned off in the next room and then nothing, no noise. But she was gorge so she was, and asked if I was nervous. “How in the name of Jasus Mary and Joseph and all the saints in heaven did yeh know that, love?” “Vell I can smell dreenk off you honey.” Haha, I thought she was a psychopath there for a minute, no a psychologist or one of them sorts anyhows. She’s wearin next to nothing and I’m leadin her to the bed with one hand and pullin off me pants with the other. 30 minutes, man.


There were times, Shamlad, there were times when I had 5 minutes with a mot’s da comin home any second, I can tell you pal I’ve been under the gun many’s the time.


Shamlad: So how did it go?


MP: Did you ever see Gaybo on the Late late Show?


Shamlad: No - wait is it an Irish TV show? He’s a Dubliner like you?


MP: Well he used to say he was “excirra and delirra”, and that’s how I felt. And that’s all I’m going to tell youse.


Shamlad: Thank you Trico.

[Larrii]

PUNTER INTERVIEW 23/06/2013

Shamlad, howaya there mate, it’s Trico here again, em yknow eh fastharddude1, I done the interview there for the new members, well look-ed pal, em, it’s about me mot Treena, her friend Sandra’s younger brother Dano seen the fookin thing on the internet so he did, and I’m fookin as good as dead meat right now, you owe me a pint at the very least, I’m not sure where your offices are yet, buh, ye know the mot’s brudders Deco and Frano went and done in me Civic last night, me pride and joy, deadly so it was, spinnin wheel rims an all, a little thing like that could drive you to distraction, could you not pull the bleedin story after the comp has ended, sure there’s not the 10 entrants in it so there’s not, so none a the stories is goin to win now, you know yerself the mots didn’t mean anntin much to me, sure it was only to see if I coulda done Treena any other way on her weddin night, tho seeminly not accordin to Morea, or maybe with Sandra if that never happens, Sandra’s comin on strong to me now pal, sayin how she’d always fancied me and how Treena was a right bitch behind me back now and then going to Chippendales and the like, touchin the men so she was, I reckon me chances there are good tonite mate, how-or-never Shamlad could you not pull the story, many’s the less of a thing could drive you wacko-jacko so it could, I spoken with that foooookin space cadet Larrii that called yeh bout me, a right latchico so he is, he’s got the caniptions right now I can tell you son, no sign of him annywhere from Bray to Ballybough, nor hair nor hide of him, he’s gone so he is, haha, look-ed mate do me a favour, all me mates down the pub are sayin “that’s fookin Trico there on the website, so it is”, mind you there’s a mot that does be at me night classes on existentialism sez the interview covers most of Sartre’s theory of the banal, she’s a real honey, clever an all, I’ll introduce youse two so I will when you buy me that pint Shamlad…

[WatWatWat]

Tom Dunne. Newstalk: So why does a fine specimen of a man like you have to pay for sex?. Its a disgrace. . . WatWatWat: . A fuckin disgrace Tom. Thats what it is. A fuckin disgrace. . Tom Dunne:. I'm not bi but yeah, i would. . WatWatWat:. Control yourself Tom. . Check this out . . Bridie. Tom's assistant.: OMG. Its huge. Give it to me. I want it. . . Tom Dunne: Me first. . WatWatWat : Not again. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Transmission lost.

[westcorklad]

Shamlad, howaya there mate, it’s Trico here again, em yknow eh fastharddude1, I done the interview there for the new members, well look-ed pal, em, it’s about me mot Treena, her friend Sandra’s younger brother Dano seen the fookin thing on the internet so he did, and I’m fookin as good as dead meat right now, you owe me a pint at the very least, I’m not sure where your offices are yet, buh, ye know the mot’s brudders Deco and Frano went and done in me Civic last night, me pride and joy, deadly so it was, spinnin wheel rims an all, a little thing like that could drive you to distraction, could you not pull the bleedin story after the comp has ended, sure there’s not the 10 entrants in it so there’s not, so none a the stories is goin to win now, you know yerself the mots didn’t mean anntin much to me, sure it was only to see if I coulda done Treena any other way on her weddin night, tho seeminly not accordin to Morea, or maybe with Sandra if that never happens, Sandra’s comin on strong to me now pal, sayin how she’d always fancied me and how Treena was a right bitch behind me back now and then going to Chippendales and the like, touchin the men so she was, I reckon me chances there are good tonite mate, how-or-never Shamlad could you not pull the story, many’s the less of a thing could drive you wacko-jacko so it could, I spoken with that foooookin space cadet Larrii that called yeh bout me, a right latchico so he is, he’s got the caniptions right now I can tell you son, no sign of him annywhere from Bray to Ballybough, nor hair nor hide of him, he’s gone so he is, haha, look-ed mate do me a favour, all me mates down the pub are sayin “that’s fookin Trico there on the website, so it is”, mind you there’s a mot that does be at me night classes on existentialism sez the interview covers most of Sartre’s theory of the banal, she’s a real honey, clever an all, I’ll introduce youse two so I will when you buy me that pint Shamlad…

Tom Dunne. Newstalk: So why does a fine specimen of a man like you have to pay for sex?. Its a disgrace. . . WatWatWat: . A fuckin disgrace Tom. Thats what it is. A fuckin disgrace. . Tom Dunne:. I'm not bi but yeah, i would. . WatWatWat:. Control yourself Tom. . Check this out . . Bridie. Tom's assistant.: OMG. Its huge. Give it to me. I want it. . . Tom Dunne: Me first. . WatWatWat : Not again. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Transmission lost.

Very amusing lads but you do know the deadline for this competition passed at midnight?

[WatWatWat]

Well it just goes to show that i'm not a clock watcher. Lol