Q: What do you get when you cross Tiger Woods and a dinosaur?
A: Lick a lot of puss.
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Q: What do you get when you cross Tiger Woods and a dinosaur?
A: Lick a lot of puss.
Who loves ya baby......!!
This lovely young spunk is sitting in a train carriage on her own when a crusty
old bastard comes in, eating a tray of king prawns.
He sits opposite her, shelling his prawns and flicking the shells on the floor.
Occasionally he tosses on onto the lady's lap with a sneer.
When he's finished the meal he casually screws up the polystyrene tray he's been
eating from and throws it at the girl's face.
The young spunk calmly stands up, picks the shells off the floor, puts them back in
the tray and throws the whole mess out the window.
Then she walks over to the emergency stop button and thumps it hard.
"You dumb bitch," the dirty old man burps. "That's gonna cost you $100!"
"Yeah," she replied, "but when the police smell your fingers it's gonna cost you 10 years."................ (Take that ya dirty fuk)
A worried father telephoned his family doctor and said that he was afraid that his teenaged son had come down with V.D.
"He says he hasn't had sex with anyone but the maid, so it has to be her."
"Don't worry too much," advised the doctor. "These things happen."
"I know, doctor," said the father, "but I have to admit that I've been sleeping with the maid also. I seem to have the same symptoms."
"That's unfortunate."
"Not only that, I think I've passed it to my wife."
"Oh God," said the doc, "That means we all have it."
A man returns from a foreign holiday and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty STD called G.A.S.H. It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"
"Oh my gosh," cried the man. "What are you going to do, doctor?"
"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread."
"Will that cure me?" asked the man.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but... it's the only food we can slide under the door
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
The Chinese laundry man became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him saying: 'I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTY!!! YOU USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!'
A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.
"Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.
Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."
The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:
"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."
Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads:
"KOALA BEAR: Furry Mammal That Eats Bushes and Leaves."
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down.
"My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed," she said.
"What a coincidence! My wife just left me," said the man. "She told me that I was too kinky for her, too!"
The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have kinky sex. When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says, "Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable."
She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit. However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door.
"What happened?" she said. "I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?"
He looks at her and says, "Well, I just screwed your dog and shit in your purse. I'm done."
A guy is hiking up a mountain when he sees a girl standing at the edge of a cliff, crying.
"Hey," he says, "if you're going to jump, how about giving me a blow job before you do it?"
"My life's been nothing but crap," says the girl. "So I might as well."
After the girl's done, the guy says, "Wow, that was great! Why are you so depressed, anyway?"
The girl replies, "My family disowned me for dressing like a woman."
mikki99943 (04-03-13)
Archived User
Certified E-I Addict
We draw the line at racism and inappropriate kiddy fiddling jokes. There is a line between midly offensive jokes and jokes that are in bad taste. Thread locked.
Amanda Babe (04-03-13), benin (04-03-13)
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