Good gracious 12 more pages since I last read this thread!!!!Originally Posted by Pinot
Sorry Kate, but that is just a crazy cavalier attitude. Fair enough if you don't love your wife or care for her feelings, but this type of news could devastate someone beyond heartbreak, especially when a family with children are involved. I know you say in a later thread that it's the actual act that causes the heartbreak and not the finding out.......well, that's just not true (That's a lesson I learnt as a teenager, when I confessed to my then GF that I two-timed her).
It is also too easy to say that men should not do it if they cant accept the consequences. Many men here love their wives and family but for whatever reason (and there's too many to list) they also have a need to visit escorts or have extramarital affairs. I don't condone it, I wish I didn't do it, but such is life and we all have a different moral compass.
However, I do admire Wicklow's decision because this was something that was playing on his mind and I'm sure after pondering it for a long time he concluded that it was the right thing to do for him and his relationship. I might add though, no one knows Wicklow's wife better than himself, so he would have had a strong sense of how she would take it. I'm not saying he would have expected such a positive outcome but I'm sure deep down he knew she wouldn't leave him over it.
In reply to your reaction to my response. I have not said that ALL men should tell their partners. It is absolutely a matter of depending on the situation and how the partner may react. For instance a relationship that is floundering and still without children, it might just be the right thing to do for both of them, as it's not working and can't get much worse. There are no children to consider, but two people who deserve to feel loved and not getting it. In that scenario I may be tempted to be honest and if necessary move on, because you only have one life and you have to live it to the best you can.
In another scenario, there might be 20+ years of marriage, children and a lot of financial responsibility held between the two of them. It might be that she has slowly become less and less physical with him, but the love between them is still strong. He doesn't want to leave her and she doesn't want him to leave either, but if she knew what he was doing it may be devastating, especially if she is from a very religious background. In those circumstances it would be fool hardy, as it could blow both their lives and the lives of their children out of the water.
It's about risk assessment. Having said that, I do think some men are lazy and it seems the norm for most men who are unhappily married to look for a replacement before moving on. I think in these situations the man should grow some balls and live on his own for a while rather than break the ladies heart by leaving for someone else (aka my Step Dad).
Kate x
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