robijntje

~~NOTE: this is not an offense or attack towards anyone, they are just my thoughts and in my eyes, nothing but the truth~~


Always the same thing. Yo are ready whenever people need you, they can call you 24/7, you jump up, listen and try to help them in every little way you can. Sometimes, you just jump in your car and drive for over an hour just so you can be there for somebody, so that you can give them a hug? What do you ask? What do you charge? Nothing. The feeling that you maybe made a difference, no matter how small, is a reward in itself.

But where are they, when YOU need them? Nowhere.

And they all have their excuse. 'Sorry, can't right now, I'm going out' 'I was about to take a shower' 'Dinner's ready, call back later' 'Sorry can't right now, I have to go' or 'you are strong enough, you'll figure it out'. Simple excuses, but you feel that you should go somewhere else with your little problems, everybody has them right?

Yes, maybe you are strong, and yes, maybe they are just little problems. But ever thought about the fact that you simply are not strong enough to take something on your own? Everyone has that now and then, something so huge that your shoulders alone cannot take it. You feel that you are collapsing under the immense pressure. You decide that it's time that you put everything aside, and seek help.

But where is that help to be found? Nowhere. Nobody that listens, and if they do, they try to give you advice. But you don't want advice. You just want a shoulder to cry on, cry like a baby, so that is feels like a relief. You're not childish, you're not a baby because you cry, grow up. Crying can feel like a true relief, so that it gives you strength to continue, to live on. And when there is somebody for you, that gives you a hug while you cry, you have the feeling someone cares, and THAT makes a difference.

Todays world and todays society is all about one thing: yourself. People are like animals, they tend to seek out the company of another human being, but in the end, you care about yourself.

I have always tried to do the exact opposite: put myself last. And oh boy, have I taken some shit in my young life, just because of that. You lose friends, you put your family in danger, you put your own life in the balance, simply because you think that the person you do it for is worth all of it, but no, they are the first to give you the finger and spit in your face. You break down then, but you have to take it alone, because there's simply nobody left. You risked it all, took the wrong gamble, and you end in the gutter, choking on your own blood.

Or, you have the ones that pretend to care, but while they are talking to you, it's just obvious that they want to get rid of you, or are doing something else in their heads. A psychiatrist I once paid a visit seemed to be a champion at that. When I was with him, he was smiling, warm, open and I could talk about whatever I wanted during my time, he would listen to me. Just listen, and not give any advice. It worked, until I was having a really bad day, and I really needed to talk to someone. I called him, thinking he was going to listen to me. Could I be more wrong? 'Yeah well, be strong and take some rest, we'll talk about it tomorrow' before just hanging up. I didn't understand. The next day, I went to see him, and yes, the smile was there. A fake one, but I paid for it. He could only listen when I paid. That is how fucked up it all is: you will always find people who 'listen' when your wallet is full.

Have I given up on it? No, because, and call me naive, I believe in the good of people. Cop, carpenter, assassin, murderer and all the other labels that people put on others or on themselves: I don't see it, I refuse to see it, and that is probably my fault. There are people that I know that I know don't give a goddamn bit, but that wouldn't stop me from sitting beside their bed when they are ill, or just had an accident.

If someone that I care about ends up in a coma, I would sit there, beside the bed, day and night, just to make sure that when he or she wakes up, she or he won't feel alone. Yes, I would do that, I have done it before and I would do it again. Call it my mistake, my fault, me just being naive, but if I believe in something, I go for it.


Next time, when you're reading the newspaper, and you see another message about a suicide, don't think 'that's too bad' and turn the page to see if Liverpool won again, but know that there's a good chance that someone out there could have prevented it, if they would have listened.

So, what I'm basically trying to say is, whenever next time someone calls you and you feel like they're not okay, don't think about anything else. Think about the person calling and be there for them, no matter what, you could be saving someone's life.


Or, if you have the time, jump in your car or take a taxi and go and see them. You'll be making a huge difference.

Why? Because someone's life is worth more than a taxi fare or a fucking tank of gasoline.