DUBLIN - A survey of 200 professionals has found that Irish men have the worst anal hygiene in Europe.
Touring sex workers visiting Ireland were asked to rate the anal hygiene of men from across Europe based on their extensive and intimate experience.
A shocking 93% of the prostitutes questioned said they found Irish male arse hygiene ‘abysmal’, the lowest possible rating.
Sex workers reported that the worst offenders generally came from smaller towns, with men from the counties of Roscommon and Leitrim singled out as being particularly bad.
In contrast Swedish men had the cleanest arses, with 73% of sex workers rating Swedish anal hygiene as excellent.
Even the French, who are renowned for being a filthy race, came off much better than Ireland, as did all the former Eastern Bloc countries where it was assumed people would be dirtier.
Sharing Ireland’s shame as the second worse nation for arse hygiene was Germany, surprisingly considering they are known as a nation that is very anal about most things.
Speaking about today’s survey results, one escort who asked not to be named said “The most annoying thing is the skid marks they leave on the sheets. When I tour Ireland I have to bring so much spare linen with me and now that Ryanair are charging for luggage it is very expensive.”
Other escorts remarked on the repulsive smell, ‘cheese’ in the crack and bits of crusty faeces dropping off during sexual activity, and said they felt the dirtiest clients should have to pay an additional soiling charge.
Escort clients reacted angrily and pointed out that they are paying more for sex than all of their European counterparts. Clever Punter said “When I go on my holidays to Spain I will always have a good wash before visiting a working girl, as I can get all services for €60 there. But here we are expected to pay minimum €100 to €150 for a basic service, so why should I wash my arse? At that price the only time I’m wiping my arse is on her clean towels before I leave.”
Isabella Molina of the European Prostitutes Union called for the Irish government to consider licensing brothels and making bidets a health and safety requirement. “Until this is done Ireland will continue to be known as the smelly man of Europe” she said.
Patricia Albright of Escort-Ireland.com said she was aware that some escorts wanted to be able to advertise on their profiles that they charge extra for dirty clients, but this was not possible as her website only advertises ladies that charge for their “time and companionship”, and to have ‘extras’ listed would undermine this and legally make them prostitutes, which they are not.