He said, she said...

He said "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've nothing to put into it!"
She said, "You wear pants don't you?" :D

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”

A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks what's wrong. "Well," replies the man, "when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years." "That's not the problem, " the groom says. "She gave me $20 change!"

Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?

A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rachel Divine

Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?

A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!

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Now I know why you keep turning off the light :sad:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by willie wacker

Now I know why you keep turning off the light :sad:

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It's not you, baby .... It's Me!!! :lmao:

What’s the difference between men and women?

Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake their entire marriage.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rachel Divine

Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?

A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time!

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I must bring a torch

My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by anon361

My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

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That's so cruel!!! Love it!!!

Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

A: Call her and tell her.

She said two wrongs don't make a right.

He said I know, look at your parents.

A couple were lying in bed after the first time they had sex.
He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said, "Well, you succeeded."

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you.

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

He said- "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said - "That's a good idea.! You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and snore."

He said.. Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?


She said.. I would, but you're never there.

He said : I think it time for bed
She said: don't forget to kiss the nice lady before you go to bed because to night she all mine
He said: good night

Quote:

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Originally Posted by willie wacker

He said- "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said - "That's a good idea.! You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and snore."

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When Ld produced his dick in D18, she started crying. "What you going to do with that?" She asked. I'm going to ride you with it. He replied. "Oh that's OK she said, I thought you were going to hit me with it".

A groom standing at the altar has a grin as wide as a Cheshire Cat all over his face
His best man asks "Why the big grin"
Groom says " Last night my bride to be gave me the best blow job a man could ever wish for
The bride arrives with a grin just as big as the grooms all over her face
Her bridesmaid asks " Why the big grin "
Bride answers "Well last night I just gave the last blow job of my life "