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Isis girl decides to stay in Syria after being offered a council house In Liverpool.
A sex worker was driving out of Limerick one day when she was stopped by A Garda for speeding. Asked for her driving licience, she said she hadn't got it with her or any other form of ID except her business card. So the Garda asked to see that.
Examining the business card, he says. "I see you have your profession down here as a Penis stretcher. Tell me, Does that really work? And how much can you really stretch a penis." She replies, "Oh Yes officer, it certainly works, sometimes I can stretch them out to a good six foot" "Thats rediculous" he said "What the fuck would anybody do with a 6 foot prick" and she replies "Well normally they put them doing speed checks on the edge of town."
The wife just asked me whether I love football or her the most?
I said ''open your legs and I will show you"
So I nutmegged her
Joke of the day - Brexit !!:rolleyes:
Isn't there a northern Tayto.
The DUPed approves.
A man falls into a coma and when he eventually comes round he asks the doctor how long he has been unconscious.
"You've been unconscious for over two and a half years."
The man bursts out laughing and replies " You almost had me going there Doc, sure they were discussing Brexit on the TV there, the same as yesterday !!"
If I hear much more about fucking Brexit I might wish that I was in a coma ffs !!:banghead:
DARK JOKE!!!
In the middle of wet and windy night, a man breaks into to a home and kidnaps 2 children.
As he is walking them through the woods, the children are scared and keep on crying over and over again.
The man angrily turns towards to the children and then says to them both, "I don't know why you are crying, I have got to come back on my own."