Thank God for this website!
Previously I thought all I had to do was roll out of the pub and go knocking on a lucky ladies door, but after careful reading, I have come to realise that the rather pungent smell of 12 pints of John Smiths and stale pee isnt every ladies cup of tea.
So, heres my checklist:
Best set of teeth - check
Hair carefully brylcremed and securley wrapped several times around my head - thus preventing the possibility of injury to both parties - check
Trousers tied with new string with my best reef knot - check
Body and facial hair shaved\tidied - check (Well, having trouble with the backs of my hands and between my toes, but I'm sure no one will really notice)
Body thoroughly cleansed using Farmer Joes sheep dip - check
Money counted and ready - check (In fact, if she is older than advertised, I have found some old punts and shillings, just in case)
Kissing - me and the dog have been practicing for weeks now and I think I have the hang of it, although Lassie likes to use more tongue than I do
Privates - washed and rubbed probably a bit too much because Mr Sausage got a bit sick
There, dont think I have missed anything, now just need to decide which lucky lady to call, Anna? Violette? or maybe the lovely Appollina?
are u Podge or Rodge