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Thread: Before the date...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Dublin 4
    Posts
    794

    Thumbs up Before the date...

    Before the date...

    Cleanliness
    Have a shower - paying particular attention to washing your private parts - and clean your teeth... the chances of your date being a willing participant in erotic games with you is directly proportional to your level of personal hygiene. She is unlikely to let you kiss her if your breath smells like Mike Tyson's jockstrap... and she will not be overly enthusiastic about you fumbling around in her expensive lingerie if your finger-nails have the contents of a bag of Irish Moss Peat underneath them.

    Have a shave - not many girls class a "sanding-down" by a glass-paper fizzog as foreplay.
    Put on clean underwear... even if you're not risking being knocked down by a No.76 bus, your chances of re-living scenes from Nine and a Half Weeks will be severely reduced if she discovers that your underpants look like the London Transport Skid Pan.
    Money
    Have the payment ready in cash, unless otherwise agreed, and counted. You have already found out how much it is going to cost, so to spare both of you any embarrassment, make sure the amount is correct and place it in an envelope or separate from the rest of your money
    Alcohol
    A G&T to help with your nerves, or a brandy to make you randy is OK. Ten pints of Witches' Brew is not a good idea. Alcohol is a depressant rather than a stimulant and although you may think that it improves your staying power, it is more likely to prevent you from reaching orgasm at all... and beer breath is a turn-off.
    Together at last...

    Conversation
    Be courteous. Offer her a drink... engage in a little chit-chat, treat her like a lady. Don't grope her the moment that she walks through the door. You may be paying for her services, but a little respect will pay dividends later...
    Detailed personal questions should be a no-go area. This girl is with you under a business arrangement, so don't expect her to tell you her life history or innermost secrets... Under no circumstances ask:
    What does your boyfriend think about your work?
    Do your parents know about your job?
    How much money do you make?
    Do you pay tax?
    Why don't you marry a rich man and forget about this work? etc.

    These are very personal and patronising questions, so don't do it unless you are looking for a very cool performance or equally embarrassing questions in return, like:-
    What does your wife do for a living?
    Do your children know that you go out with escorts?
    Does your boss know you're here?
    Have you ever thought about going on a diet?
    Has anyone ever told you that boxer shorts don't suit you?
    Payment
    You already have the money ready, so at a suitable moment hand her the envelope. Don't get the money out and count it into her hand like a checkout girl at your local supermarket... and don't try the old Paul Daniels sleight-of-hand routine and try and keep one back. Don't try and be a smart arse and ask if she accepts American Express and don't try a bit of last minute bartering... it's too late.
    The Nitty Gritty...

    REMEMBER: "No" means "NO!!". If you want something that she is unwilling to go for, even if the reviews, or the agency says otherwise... BACK OFF!!! The escort ALWAYS has the final say in what services are available or not to any particular client. Many escorts might be nervous and persuaded into acts that they are not comfortable with. Even with this "permission" this is little more than rape. I'll say it again "No" means

    "NO"!!

    Some advice from a female friend: (Thanks Becky!)

    BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
    SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and soothe them.
    BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
    TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
    IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
    GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
    LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
    ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
    STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
    UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
    GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
    BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
    MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
    UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
    TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first!
    GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
    GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
    CUMMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
    NOT CUMMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
    ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
    PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
    NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
    NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
    MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
    MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
    SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINT HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
    ARANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
    LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
    NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
    SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue

    Sexy Naomi 0870690369

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,646

    Wink Sexy Naomi did not write this....................................

    Quote Originally Posted by sexy naomi View Post
    Before the date...

    Cleanliness
    Have a shower - paying particular attention to washing your private parts - and clean your teeth... the chances of your date being a willing participant in erotic games with you is directly proportional to your level of personal hygiene. She is unlikely to let you kiss her if your breath smells like Mike Tyson's jockstrap... and she will not be overly enthusiastic about you fumbling around in her expensive lingerie if your finger-nails have the contents of a bag of Irish Moss Peat underneath them.

    Have a shave - not many girls class a "sanding-down" by a glass-paper fizzog as foreplay.
    Put on clean underwear... even if you're not risking being knocked down by a No.76 bus, your chances of re-living scenes from Nine and a Half Weeks will be severely reduced if she discovers that your underpants look like the London Transport Skid Pan.
    Money
    Have the payment ready in cash, unless otherwise agreed, and counted. You have already found out how much it is going to cost, so to spare both of you any embarrassment, make sure the amount is correct and place it in an envelope or separate from the rest of your money
    Alcohol
    A G&T to help with your nerves, or a brandy to make you randy is OK. Ten pints of Witches' Brew is not a good idea. Alcohol is a depressant rather than a stimulant and although you may think that it improves your staying power, it is more likely to prevent you from reaching orgasm at all... and beer breath is a turn-off.
    Together at last...

    Conversation
    Be courteous. Offer her a drink... engage in a little chit-chat, treat her like a lady. Don't grope her the moment that she walks through the door. You may be paying for her services, but a little respect will pay dividends later...
    Detailed personal questions should be a no-go area. This girl is with you under a business arrangement, so don't expect her to tell you her life history or innermost secrets... Under no circumstances ask:
    What does your boyfriend think about your work?
    Do your parents know about your job?
    How much money do you make?
    Do you pay tax?
    Why don't you marry a rich man and forget about this work? etc.

    These are very personal and patronising questions, so don't do it unless you are looking for a very cool performance or equally embarrassing questions in return, like:-
    What does your wife do for a living?
    Do your children know that you go out with escorts?
    Does your boss know you're here?
    Have you ever thought about going on a diet?
    Has anyone ever told you that boxer shorts don't suit you?
    Payment
    You already have the money ready, so at a suitable moment hand her the envelope. Don't get the money out and count it into her hand like a checkout girl at your local supermarket... and don't try the old Paul Daniels sleight-of-hand routine and try and keep one back. Don't try and be a smart arse and ask if she accepts American Express and don't try a bit of last minute bartering... it's too late.
    The Nitty Gritty...

    REMEMBER: "No" means "NO!!". If you want something that she is unwilling to go for, even if the reviews, or the agency says otherwise... BACK OFF!!! The escort ALWAYS has the final say in what services are available or not to any particular client. Many escorts might be nervous and persuaded into acts that they are not comfortable with. Even with this "permission" this is little more than rape. I'll say it again "No" means

    "NO"!!

    Some advice from a female friend: (Thanks Becky!)

    BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
    SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and soothe them.
    BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
    TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
    IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
    GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
    LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
    ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
    STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
    UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
    GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
    BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
    MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
    UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
    TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first!
    GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
    GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
    CUMMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
    NOT CUMMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
    ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
    PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
    NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
    NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
    MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
    MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
    SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINT HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
    ARANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
    LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
    NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
    SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue

    Sexy Naomi 0870690369
    no way.Someone else did more than likely her little new male duo partner or a gf.She went from someone struggling with English to writting all of that with no mistakes.

    Dumber than you think but smarter than i look,
    Westside.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Dublin 4
    Posts
    794

    Cool You are very clever Westie 10 out 10

    But it is good, isn't?? angels0

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,646

    Default Yes it is ,

    Quote Originally Posted by sexy naomi View Post
    But it is good, isn't?? angels0
    not sure about your geographical excursion of the female anatomy below.

    Now who are you??
    Westside.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,646

    Default By the way

    Quote Originally Posted by sexy naomi View Post
    But it is good, isn't?? angels0
    where did you copy and paste that from??

    Reveal yourself to the world,
    Westside.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Dublin 4
    Posts
    794

    Cool Due site competence...

    I can't tell you this information Westie, sorry.
    Curiosity kill the cat

    Sexy Naomi 0870690369

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,646

    Default Well i hope your not a guy.......................................

    Quote Originally Posted by sexy naomi View Post
    I can't tell you this information Westie, sorry.
    Curiosity kill the cat

    Sexy Naomi 0870690369
    im feeling attracted to you from all that sex talk.

    Global warming my arse,
    Westside.

  8. #8

    Thumbs up

    Hum, if you recognise yourself in all of the above I guess that's real bad?

    Seriously, I must admit I do a few of those things you mention - not everybody is god in bed angels20.

    Anyway thanks for pointers, it was entertaining to read .

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    cork the real capital
    Posts
    5,553
    Blog Entries
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    Reviews
    83

    Default anna savicha

    I could be wrong but i think ana savicha posted something similar to that before

  10. Default

    hilarious.

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