"Holy Escort Agency"

[mrsbrown]

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

BROTHEL AND ESCORT AGENCY

10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says:



SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

BROTHEL AND ESCORT AGENCY

5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real.
Then he drives past a third sign saying:



SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

ESCORT AGENCY

<< NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a Small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door, smiles, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup.
This nun instructs, "Please place £50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."

He gets £50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall , smiling and then slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED

BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

SERVES YOU RIGHT!

[mrsbrown]

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each of them one wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent - Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman
builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge!


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A blonde walks into a barber shop with headphones on. She tells the barber what cut she wants, but that he has to cut around her headphones. The barber looks a little puzzled but agrees. So, he starts cutting the best he can but accidentally he knocks the headphones off.
Within a few seconds the girl dies.

Very startled, the man walks over and picks up the headphones hears, "breathe in, breathe out."



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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary items together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE !"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE !"

The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE !"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"


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A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21."
A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".
Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.

The Brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22".


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Two blondes were walking down the street when one found a small mirror. She picked it up and looked in it. Puzzled she said, "I just know that I've seen this face somewhere before."

The other blonde grabbed the mirror and said, "Give it to me." She looked into the mirror and said, "Well duh silly, it's me!"