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Thread: Some Saturday humour

  1. #1
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    Talking Some Saturday humour

    Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

    "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

    "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

    "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

    "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

    "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

    "Sensible" says Jeff.

    "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

    "And what happened then?"

    (Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

    "I kicked her in the face."

  2. #2
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    One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.

    They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.

    With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"

    Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

    Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

    Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

    Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

    Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

    Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"

    Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

    Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

    Her: "No, no. I just can't"

    Him: "I beg you... "

    Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:

    "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.."

  3. #3
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    There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents. The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room.

    When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up and down on daddy. When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away.

    The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy's room. He was in his bed, and he asked, "Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?"

    The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it."

    "Oh, that's what you were doing. But you're wasting your time mommy." The boy said.

    "Oh, and why is that?" The mom asked.

    "Because everyday when you leave for work, the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.

  4. #4
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    Two guys in a bar are discussing "positions" so one tells the other, "Well my favorite is the rodeo!"

    and the other says, "What's the rodeo?"

    "well, first you get your wife down and start to do her doggy style, then when you're halfway done, you bend over and whisper in her ear, 'you know, this is your sister's favorite position too' and then try to hold on for 8 seconds!"

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