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Thread: For all the single guys here - Prenuptial Agreement

  1. #1
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    Default For all the single guys here - Prenuptial Agreement

    Lads, give this to you girlfriend before you agree to marry her.

    If she signs it, you are on to a winner, if she doesn't...............next


    I, ...................................., agree that:
    (enter Girlfriend's name above)


    1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly
    rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old
    man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

    2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take
    the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team
    lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
    to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

    3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them
    that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

    4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

    5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
    goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

    6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

    7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you
    fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

    8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues.
    Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt
    to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".

    9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and
    remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will
    only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in
    charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.




    Signed ____________________________________

    Date ______________________________________

    Engaging Personality
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    Magnificent Ass
    Adorable Lady
    Sexy, Wicked, Enticing, Erotic, Tease

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  3. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forrest View Post
    Lads, give this to you girlfriend before you agree to marry her.

    If she signs it, you are on to a winner, if she doesn't...............next


    I, ...................................., agree that:
    (enter Girlfriend's name above)


    1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly
    rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old
    man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

    2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take
    the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team
    lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
    to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

    3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them
    that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

    4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

    5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
    goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

    6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

    7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you
    fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

    8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues.
    Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt
    to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".

    9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and
    remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will
    only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in
    charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.




    Signed ____________________________________

    Date ______________________________________
    I wasn't aware that doormats could write........
    I am in Cork

  4. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to EnglishAlex For This Useful Post:

    BruceAlmighty (25-06-11), Forrest (24-06-11), jimbobbins (25-06-11), very shy guy (24-06-11)

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    Quote Originally Posted by EnglishAlex View Post
    I wasn't aware that doormats could write........
    Alex is not pulling any punches. I like it.

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    EnglishAlex (24-06-11)

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    Quote Originally Posted by EnglishAlex View Post
    I wasn't aware that doormats could write........
    Sorry, Alex, just a bit of Friday blues.........................no offence meant(really, truly, cross my heart and hope to get fuc*ed senseless)
    to all the wonderful women of the world.
    Last edited by Forrest; 24-06-11 at 19:10.

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    Seriously forrest, I did find that quite amusing I must say. I shall put my claws away and play nice. Well I'll try to anyway lol.

    I was going to add to No9: Dishwasher. Then I remembered that the reason we lesser mortals (women) have smaller feet is to get nearer to the sink! Silly me
    I am in Cork

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    Forrest (24-06-11), hd7055 (24-06-11), very shy guy (24-06-11)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Forrest View Post
    Sorry, Alex, just a bit of Friday blues.........................no offence meant(really, truly, cross my hear and hope to get fuc*ed senseless)to all the wonderful women of the world.
    I wasn't offended in the slightest. Just taking the piss back
    I am in Cork

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    Forrest (24-06-11), very shy guy (24-06-11)

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    Quote Originally Posted by EnglishAlex View Post
    Seriously forrest, I did find that quite amusing I must say. I shall put my claws away and play nice. Well I'll try to anyway lol.

    I was going to add to No9: Dishwasher. Then I remembered that the reason we lesser mortals (women) have smaller feet is to get nearer to the sink! Silly me

    I like claws and as for the washing machine, I can think of a better use for it when it's on, and there's a full load.
    Last edited by Forrest; 24-06-11 at 19:07.

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    EnglishAlex (24-06-11)

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    Quote Originally Posted by EnglishAlex View Post
    I wasn't offended in the slightest. Just taking the piss back
    I knew that, but it was a great reply, no prenups for you then

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    Talking A couple of potentially useful addendums

    For The Man o' The House:

    What's mine is mine and that means a wife don't touch, don't snoop through,
    and by all means don't tell the locals what all we gots and ain't gots.

    Property: All buildings, shacks, trailers, sheds, motorized transportation, land,
    huntin' tools, corn stills, and animals are to stay in the possession of the
    Man o' The House iffin' the woman goes a wandering off playing in another's pasture.

    Child Support: Iffin' they don't look like me, I ain't supporting 'em in the event
    the wife partakes in wandering off the marital property.

    Money: The Man o' The House earns it so he gets to keep it. 'Nough said!

    Mother In Law Rules: Must abide by the 500 mile restraining order that will
    be taken out upon the day of the marriage. Postal mail will be permitted
    if weekly financial assistance is abided by.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    For The Little Woman:

    Iffin' you came into this marriage with clothes on your back and kids from yer previous marriage you get to keep 'em.

    Housework: You agree to keep a lookin' good, cook, clean, tend to the land, garden, livestock, keep repairs up on the homestead, and be aimin' to please yer man at the drop of a dime.

    Man o' The House Signature:___________________________ Date: _____________

    Little Woman's Signature: _____________________________ Date: _____________

    Lawyer Signature: ____________________________________ Date: _____________
    Last edited by Forrest; 24-06-11 at 20:11.

    Engaging Personality
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    very shy guy (24-06-11)

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    Engaging Personality
    Mesmerising Eyes
    Magnificent Ass
    Adorable Lady
    Sexy, Wicked, Enticing, Erotic, Tease

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