Welcome back my fellow perves and pervettes to the new series of E-I news with me, LDM. I can't promise that this series will be as entertaining as the last, but gosh darn it I'm gonna give it a good old tally ho. Let me begin by introducing my arch nemesis and field reporter, Tina. Say hello Tina! *silence...* Ya f*ck you too ya bitch, the only reason I keep you around is cos of the car that your posh daddy bought you, you little red riding hoe!
Tonight's headlines: sex is good for you; crazed f*cktard runs in front of F1 car; and a sneak peek at Nintendo's new Wii console, the 'Wii U'.
First tonight, it has been discovered by boffins that sex is good for you... Emm... ?!?!?! Of course sex is good for you!!! If it wasn't good then we wouldn't be hear would we??? Exsqueeze me one second peeps. (Tina FFS your job is to go out and find information that is NEW!!! Not tell us something we already know! Do you honestly think anyone would be on this site if sex wasn't good for us??? JEPUS CRIPES YOU STUPID (sexy) BITCH!!! And don't look at me like that you ponsy eyed wench!!!).
*coughs* Sorry about that little interruption folks. Well it seems that young adults who enjoy sex seem to have greater self-esteem, autonomy and empathy for others. Over 3,200 young adults took part in a poll which showed that those who enjoyed sex displayed greater levels of the three personality traits listed above. This was taken in Baltimore, USA. Well... Good job ya friggin' tools for spending (/wasting) good money and the time of over 3,000 young people for TELLING US SOMETHING THAT WE'VE KNOWN SINCE THE DAWN OF OUR SPECIES!!! Jepus cripes monkey balls! *sigh*
*double cough* Moving on... Some muppet in Japan decided that it would be funny to try and jump over a Formula One car whilst it was driving along the circuit. Toro Rosso driver Sebastien Buemi was performing for fans in Japan as part of a Red Bull demonstration. The crazy f*cktard lunatic eejit ran onto the track and attempted to jump over Buemi's car. Fortunately Buemi slowed the car down before impact and both Buemi and the monkey-shit-faced-turd were unharmed. The twat did get his leg caught in mid air and got swatted to one side. Well... The award for greatest idiotic stunt of the year goes to this guy, who clearly believed he had wings... In fairness Red Bull, ye should have expected that at some stage. Please click on the following link to see this year's greatest f*cktard performance. http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/blogs/...article/51200/
Finally tonight, Nintendo have unveiled details of the Wii's successor at the latest E3 Expo. The Wii U will have high definition graphics with a promising arrival time for 2012. The most innovative part of the Wii U is not the console itself, but the controller. The controller has a 6.2 inch touch screen that will apparently display graphics similar to those given by the Xbox360 and PS3. It has a rumble feature built in, accelerometers, gyroscope, and an outward facing camera. Last but not least its own microphone and speakers. Due to this very unique controller, you can play your favourite Wii U games while someone else is watching the television. The TV image is immediately beamed to the controller when the television is being used by someone else. The Wii U controller can also be used for video calls across the Nintendo network. This certainly sounds very promising. It will be uncharted territory for Nintendo, by competing with the HD console masters PS3 and Xbox360, but it is a battle I look forward to seeing. For more details about the Wii U, please click on the following link: http://uk.videogames.games.yahoo.com...12-6a492a.html
There you have it folks. Thank you all for tuning back into E-I news again and I hope to see you all in the future. For those of you who are not yet aware of the changes to E-I news, please visit: http://www.escort-ireland.com/boards...779#post492779. This has been LDM for E-I news. Good evening to all.
LDM: Tina ffs that was one of the biggest f*ck ups ever!
Tina: Oh shut up ya tool!
LDM: Don't call me a tool ho!
Tina: Am I bovered?!
LDM: If it wasn't for your car, I'd have you out that door like doc on Benny! Now f*ck off!