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Thread: Women v men.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Far away from home.

    Talking Women v men.

    A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
    Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of
    them are hurt.

    After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,"So you're a
    man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,just look at our cars!
    There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be
    a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
    together in peace for the rest of our days."

    Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
    "This must be a sign from God!"

    The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
    My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't

    Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good

    Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
    agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it
    back to the woman.

    The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and
    hands it back to the man.

    The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

    The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ThomasJ For This Useful Post:

    bert dublin (31-05-11), Lucy Chambers (31-05-11), Violette (31-05-11)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Far away from home.


    Olympic Condoms

    A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

    "Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

    "There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

    "What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

    "Gold of course," says the man proudly.

    The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to ThomasJ For This Useful Post:

    ladiesman217 (31-05-11)

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Far away from home.


    Covering Shoe

    A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

    "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

    "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

    And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

    Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

    "Go and get help!" he cried.

    "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

    "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

    Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

    The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Far away from home.


    65,000$ Question

    Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in
    her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even
    managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host
    could ask her the big question.

    Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous as her husband drove
    them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You
    know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.
    "Relax honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her, "It will all be OK."

    Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started
    heading out the door. "Where are you going?" Jane asked. "I have a little errand to
    run. I should be back soon."

    After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked
    grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she
    cried excitedly.

    "OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the
    answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with Jane,
    now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.

    At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the
    quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily
    before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as
    Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly.

    So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she
    knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running
    and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced Jane
    and asked the big question.

    "Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10

    "Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. " Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the
    heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it
    into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."

    "That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"

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