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Thread: Funny one liners ....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    In Dublin's fair city, Where girls are so pretty..

    Talking Funny one liners ....

    the 2 highlighted my favs...

    My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe
    that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

    I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept
    thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an
    erection...but she did

    Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "F*ck that" says Mick"
    have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

    Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do
    you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!

    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
    biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my

    I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she
    was poor - she only had 1.20 in her purse.

    My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
    girlfriend yet.

    I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the
    foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

    Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine
    until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change

    A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
    behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.

    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
    reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would
    like to come back as a cow. I said your obviously not f--k--g listening.

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
    So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
    Thank you all the ladies I had pleasure of meeting. Forever grateful for the memories

  2. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Rodney69 For This Useful Post:

    benin (27-05-11), doodlebug (27-05-11), hd7055 (28-05-11), IamSimontemplar (27-05-11), mart (28-05-11), sweethomes (27-05-11), Vindictus (27-05-11)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Blog Entries


    Fantastic Sir, I have tears running down my face. I like the cow one !

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
    living on a cruise ship for the next 6 months :)


    lolol brilliant i needed a wee laugh thanks the dentist and cow ones.
    its better to burn out than to fade away

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2011


    very good writing a few of these down

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Default I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.

    Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

    Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sam Spade For This Useful Post:

    Rodney69 (28-05-11), sweethomes (28-05-11)

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