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Thread: Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. #1

    Default Chuck Norris Jokes

    I have been looking around and this has got to be the best one i've heard so far...


    Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

    Feel free to tell me if you find a better one
    “Nothing is more creative... nor destructive... than a brilliant mind with a purpose.”
    ― Dan Brown, Inferno

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  3. #2
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    Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

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  5. #3
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    THE TOP TEN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:
    01
    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
    02
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
    03
    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
    04
    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
    05
    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    06
    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    07
    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
    08
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
    09
    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
    10
    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

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  7. #4

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    Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

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  9. #5

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    when chuck norris does push ups he is actually pushing the world down

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  11. #6
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    Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

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  13. Default

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

    Chuck Norris had a pet monkey. We know him as King Kong

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    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

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  17. #9
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    Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He stares at it and dares it to grow

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  19. #10
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    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep - He waits.

    A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

    Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

    Chuck Norris can kill 4 birds with half of a stone. Didn't know there was such a thing as half a stone? Neither did the birds.

    The quickest way to a man's heart is Chuck Norris' fist.

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