Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21

Thread: Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    P-Mansion
    Posts
    7,817

    Default Chuck Norris Jokes

    I have been looking around and this has got to be the best one i've heard so far...


    Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

    Feel free to tell me if you find a better one
    “Nothing is more creative... nor destructive... than a brilliant mind with a purpose.”
    ― Dan Brown, Inferno

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to TomEA For This Useful Post:

    Escort Advertiseremmasweet (29-04-11), ladiesman217 (27-04-11), samlad (27-04-11), UKHeather (27-04-11)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    31,794

    Default

    Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to samlad For This Useful Post:

    Escort Advertiseremmasweet (29-04-11)

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Outside your window in the bushes!!!
    Posts
    2,965
    Reviews
    6

    Default

    THE TOP TEN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:
    01
    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
    02
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
    03
    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
    04
    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
    05
    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    06
    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    07
    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
    08
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
    09
    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
    10
    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

  6. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to dannyboy10 For This Useful Post:

    Cable87 (27-04-11), Escort Advertiseremmasweet (29-04-11), ladiesman217 (27-04-11), Escort AdvertiserLisa007 (28-04-11), samlad (27-04-11), UKHeather (27-04-11)

  7. #4

    Default

    Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to John Shaft For This Useful Post:

    ladiesman217 (27-04-11), samlad (27-04-11), TomEA (27-04-11)

  9. #5

    Default

    when chuck norris does push ups he is actually pushing the world down

  10. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to breastyy For This Useful Post:

    Cable87 (27-04-11), ladiesman217 (27-04-11), samlad (27-04-11), TomEA (27-04-11), UKHeather (27-04-11)

  11. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Kashyyyk - still furry bastards everywhere!
    Posts
    461
    Reviews
    10

    Default

    Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

  12. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dohnut Boy For This Useful Post:

    Escort AdvertiserLisa007 (28-04-11), Rayden (27-04-11), samlad (27-04-11), TomEA (27-04-11), UKHeather (27-04-11)

  13. #7

    Default

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

    Chuck Norris had a pet monkey. We know him as King Kong

  14. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to akasomeoneelse For This Useful Post:

    samlad (27-04-11), TomEA (27-04-11)

  15. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    854
    Reviews
    4

    Default

    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

  16. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to dark-knight For This Useful Post:

    ladiesman217 (27-04-11), samlad (28-04-11), TomEA (28-04-11)

  17. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    6,970

    Default

    Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He stares at it and dares it to grow

  18. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to UKHeather For This Useful Post:

    BootSlick55 (28-04-11), samlad (28-04-11), TomEA (28-04-11)

  19. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    919
    Reviews
    4

    Default

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep - He waits.

    A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

    Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

    Chuck Norris can kill 4 birds with half of a stone. Didn't know there was such a thing as half a stone? Neither did the birds.

    The quickest way to a man's heart is Chuck Norris' fist.

  20. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ChiefHandker For This Useful Post:

    ladiesman217 (27-04-11), Rayden (27-04-11), samlad (28-04-11), TomEA (28-04-11)

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •