Last Night I Dreamed of Lucy Chambers

[Mousey]

I will write this down before my dream is washed away by daylight, like a sandcastle in the tide.

Anyway, I had a dream last night, and the leading lady was Lucy Chambers. It's not what you think - there was no nudity or humping (not until the end anyway), and there was actually a lovely little story to it. I don't know why it was Lucy and not any other woman I know in real life, nor why it was Lucy and not Alyssa or Elle or Fifi or any other escort I've been with, but it was definitely Lucy, with her machine gun laugh and manky accent and all.

In my dream, I found myself in a small English town. I don't know where, but it felt like one of those northern towns that are a cross between farming and mining - everyone spoke with that ridiculous Emmerdale "ey oop" accent. There was quite a dense urban town centre with lots of rolling fields around it, which you could see from almost any window in the town.

The town itself was built at odd angles. Some houses were sideways, and sometimes footpaths went straight up.

Lucy Chambers was there. She wasn't dressed up glam or anything, just looking like a regular girl, and was working in a cafe that I went into. I wasn't surprised to see her. The strangely-angled people in the cafe took the piss out of my accent in their own stupid accents before I stormed out, and she followed me.

We got to talking, and she told me that she had a toddler daughter who was sick. I offered to give her a lift home in my car, and she said yes.

Lucy was living in a disgusting mould-infested bedsit in a rickety house up a lane in the middle of the dark town. Her landlord was a big hairy fat guy with very bad teeth and swore a lot. Her toddler (a beautiful cute wee thing with a halo of golden curls) had a bad cough but was bright and happy, unaware of the squalor she was surrounded by. I made her laugh by pretending to be a monkey.

I took it upon myself to find Lucy and her rugrat somewhere better to live. I walked up and down winding nightmare streets, passing all sorts of weird locals who looked like something out of a H.P. Lovecraft story. Sometimes Lucy was there, sometimes she was not.

Eventually, I found myself in the office of a dream estate agent, writing a cheque for a new house on her behalf. I don't remember seeing the house nor being in it, but I do remember that the estate agent had very black teeth.

The scene shifted, and Lucy and I were in another place. I was coming to my real-life senses now, and decided to paw Lucy's boobies. Just before I could grope her, I woke up.




And that is how I dreamed of Lucy Chambers.