I joined a Gym today. Bloody hell !!!!!!

[dave1dave]

So for the first time I have joined a Gym.
I decided it's about time I start to do some maintenance.

So in I go today for an assessment, well fuck me sideways with a dumbell !!
They tried to kill me.
So my "trainer" ( A very fit looking young lady, who smelt of a mixture of Clorine and Timotei.) sat me down and went through my details. Weighed me, measured me and pronounced I have a BMI of 20.1.
I asked if that meant I had the body of a 20 year old !! To which she laughed (cow) and said no but it was within the good zone.

So we then proceded into the fitness area.
I must say at this stage I was feeling good about myself, and was even toying with the idea that I was going to impress this girl.
I had told her that I mountain bike regularly, so she put me on the spin bike first.
That went great, she cranked the resistance up an up, not a bother, hardly broke a sweat.
Next the tread mill, that too went well. Faster and faster, steeper and steeper.
She nodded approvingly and took her notes. (Probably putting me down as a possible candidate to be a personal trainer for the gym)

This is when she brought me over to what could only be discribed as torture racks, machines designed to humiliate and subdue even the most eager of people.
Why would I even want to try and get my leg to touch my shoulder ?
I've been perfectly happy all my life not being able to do the splits ! Why oh why would they make a machine that tries to pull your legs apart like the wish bone in a chicken ?
I felt like I was visiting a gynecologist.
I left with my head held low.
So I have my programme, a list of tortures that I am to follow.

But for now I think the fetal position on the couch