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Thread: Confined to my sick bed

  1. #1
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    Default Confined to my sick bed

    And that can only mean that Im bored silly. So I started looking silly stuff up on the net. So far I have come up with the following and this is not me making it up, its all there on the net.

    If you think BMW cars are good then you are mentally deranged. This information can be confirmed on any motoring website except a BMW one.
    If you cock is bent, it is not cute it means you have Peyronie's disease and you are defective and castration is the best way out. Also girls will laugh at you cuz you look silly.
    If you have any toes longer than your big toe then you are a Neanderthal degenerate. This fact is confirmed in many men's clothing review sites.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bilbo Baggins For This Useful Post:

    bhoywonder (07-01-11), TheBestPoster (07-01-11)

  3. #2
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    Cop Man-Flu....the Untold Facts....

    1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
    *(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

    2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from
    a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the
    rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.

    3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is
    medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' which, if a man caught, he would
    still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in
    all other kinds of manly activities.

    4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans
    of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

    5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple
    requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so
    much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it.

    6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of
    other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

    7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and
    come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition
    amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest
    heroes this country has ever known.

    8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full
    blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell
    off.

    9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The
    A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady
    medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of
    Man-Flu.

    10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying
    'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact
    pitch and frequency of D*ck Van Dyke's voice has remarkable soothing
    powers.

    Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all
    we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and
    your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this
    monstrous disease together...

  4. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Patricia For This Useful Post:

    Belshaft7 (07-01-11), bhoywonder (07-01-11), Bilbo Baggins (07-01-11), Doozer (07-01-11), hornylimerick (07-01-11), Morpheus (07-01-11), TheBestPoster (07-01-11)

  5. #3
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    Default

    O the sympathy in here would make a grown man blush.: doc
    Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
    People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do .: doc

  6. #4
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Patricia View Post
    1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
    *(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

    2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from
    a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the
    rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.

    3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is
    medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' – which, if a man caught, he would
    still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in
    all other kinds of manly activities.

    4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans
    of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

    5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple
    requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so
    much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it.

    6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of
    other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

    7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and
    come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition
    amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest
    heroes this country has ever known.

    8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full
    blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell
    off.

    9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The
    A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady
    medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of
    Man-Flu.

    10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying
    'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact
    pitch and frequency of D*ck Van Dyke's voice has remarkable soothing
    powers.

    Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all
    we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and
    your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this
    monstrous disease together...
    I was toying with the idea of the Man Flu thing but I decided against it but since a lady brought it up ......

    It is well known that women have twice as many pain receptors as men so logically it would mean that women feel the pain twice as badly, right? So it follows that 'childbirth pain' is half as bad as women say it is. Which is something we have known all along.

  7. Default

    lol Patricia i have man flu and wile reading your post wile listing to the good the bad & the ugly soundtrack all i can say is you are 100% correct man flu is worse than any woman problem and as for child birth thats nothing, if anything that should be fun

  8. #6
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    chuck norris once caught man flu.......was bed ridden for 3 days
    see you next tuesday

  9. #7

    Default

    Last edited by frankly1964; 07-01-11 at 22:38.

  10. #8
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    Default

    You can never underestimate the devastating power of Man Flu

  11. #9
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    That's terrible Mr BB.
    Hope you get well soon.

    Women have no idea what we go through

  12. #10
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    Default

    maybe i have man flu, iv been bed ridden (and not in a good way) for 5 days now !! bored and stuck all the way out in donegal grrr feeling v sorry for myself

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