Golf Shots

[Forrest]

Bedroom Golf

* Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.

* Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.

* Owner of the course must approve the equipment before may begin.

* For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.

* Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course.

* Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out.

* The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future.

* It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.

* Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

* Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.

* Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.

* Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

* Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.

* It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

* The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.

* Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

[Forrest]

A couple of weeks ago, I played with new member who shot an even par 72.
We had fun during the round, so I asked him if he wanted to play next week.
He said: "Sure, but I might be a half hour late."
The following week he shows up right on on time, and sets up on the first tee this time playing left- handed. Again he shoots a 72.
I asked him if he wanted to play again next week.
He replied: "Sure but I might be a half hour late."
I then asked him :"How come some times you play right- handed and other times, left-handed."
He said :"When I wake up in the morning and my wife is sleeping on her left side, I play left- handed and if she is on her right side, then I play right- handed."
I then ask ;"So,what if she is laying flat on her back?"
"That's when I'll be a half hour late!" he replied

[Forrest]

An Italian, a Frenchman, and a Scotsman were playing golf on a links course when they spotted a stunning mermaid on the shore.
They all dropped their clubs and ran down for a closer look. The mermaid was incredibly beautiful and voluptuous.

The Italian, burning with desire, asked the mermaid, "Have you ever been fondled?" "No, I haven't," whispered the mermaid. So the Italian walked over and hugged and fondled her warmly. The mermaid said, "Hmmmm, that's nice."

The Frenchman, not to be outdone, said, "Have you ever been kissed?" "No, I haven't," answered the mermaid. So the Frenchman went over and kissed her long and slow. "Hmmmm," sighed the mermaid, "that's nice."

Finally the Scotsman asked her, "Have you ever been screwed?" "No, I haven't," said the mermaid. "Well, you have now," said the Scotsman, "'cause the tide's out!"

[Forrest]

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word.
She pauses, reflects, and then says well, then, let it read "Fred Brown died."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read,
'Fred Brown died: golf clubs for sale.'"

[An don]

has to one of the greatest ever

[Forrest]

[Forrest]

18 Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique
The Ten Commandments do not say anything about golf.
If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet, then you become famous
Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with
It's perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger
When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together.
If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you golf with someone else.
Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you golf by yourself.
When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy golf stuff.
You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes and invite co-workers to golf with you without getting sued for harassment
There is no such thing as a golf transmitted disease
If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to subscribe to a premium cable channel.
Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the rest of your life.
Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game.
You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the enjoyment of golf.
Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! Is that all you ever think about?"