What would you do or like to have done if you were KING????
This is what i would do.....
1 - Anybody i caught driving while holding a phone to their ear, (or for the GIRLS who think its ok to hold the phone straight out in your hand thinking that it doesn't count as a hand-held phone, its the same f*cking thing girls!!), or anybody i found texting while "driving", i would give them 3 penalty points, €100 fine, and if i ever caught them doing it again i would ban them from being on the road for 3 months. And if i catch them a 3rd time they get banned for another 6 months, and if they get caught a 4th time (some idiots would get caught a 3rd time) i would ban them for 1 full year.
There are many idiots, women usually, who text as well as making a call, when they have a baby or a young child in the back, which i think they should be banned for life but i know thats a bit too much. But these idiots who text while "driving" with a young baby in the car, they also have a sign on the rear window which says "Caution, Baby On Board", yeah right, as if they really give a fiddlers f*ck. If i caught them just the once while texting or making a call when there is one (or any) child under the age of 16 years old in the car, i would ban them straight away for a full 3 months, and if they were caught again doing the same thing, 6 months banned, then if there's a 3rd time, a full year ban, until they get the message.
2 - I would tackle those idiots in cars/vans, whatever the case may be, who park in a bus stop or in a loading bay, whether is just to run to the shop for a paper, or whether they park it there all day and f*ck off to do their shopping, i would give them 2 penalty points and €100 fine, and if i caught them doing it a 2nd time they would get another 2 pints and another €100 fine, and so on until they cop themselves on. Same goes for those gobshites who half-arse "park" a car on the side of the road, as in half on the road and half on the footpath, they get the same punishment, €100 fine and 2 penalty points to start with, the same for double yellow lines etc. And for those clowns who do not indicate at a junction or a roundabout or wherever it is, 1 penalty point and €50 fine for no indicator if its your first time caught doing this, then on your second, its another point and another 50 quid. And for no seatbelt, 2 penalty points and €70 fine, and if caught the 2nd time then double it.
3 - Taxi drivers - "drivers". - Don't block the f*ckin road at the last minute, don't push your way through traffic and swap lanes at every chance you get, don't park where you're not suppose to....as in park at a bus stop when there is a taxi rank at the other side of the road you f*ckin muppets!! Thats what the rank is there for!! And when you're sitting at the rank at Dublin Airport, DO NOT refuse a fare to nearby town Swords, just because you have been sitting there for an hour and you don't fancy going out just to get €10 or €12 of a fare, be happy with what you get you ungrateful f*ckers! And don't say that doesn't happen when you know that it does. And DON'T f*ckin block O'Connell Street again just cos you are loosing business, welcome to real world, nobody has money, and what the hell gives you lot the right to bring the f*ckin city to a standstill just because you're not happy? If thats the case we'd all be on f*cking strike! Knock it off you as$holes!! Be thankful what you've got. If i was the King i tell you half of you would be banished like St.Patricks did with the snakes and most of you are worse than f*ckin snakes. It should be f*ckin taxi drivers that St.Patrick got rid of not bloody snakes!! And every one of you would be made resit, well thats wrong, i mean SIT the driving test, and the majority of you would not pass the f*ckin gate let alone the driving test. And your fares would not be as expensive either, there would be a minimum fare and a maximum fare for certain area's etc, and all taxi men must provide a receipt when the money is being exchanged, and when the customers get into the car firstly they must be given a card, similar to a receipt, which gives the name of the driver, the taxi plate number, the registration number of the car, and maybe a photo of the diver aswell, just like the one on his profile on the dash. This would help alot of people in many ways.
And in the same breath, i want to give out about......Delivery drivers, as in chip shop, milkmen, postmen, and those f*ckin b*stards in bin lorries are the same, f*ckin bin men...every time, you're on a 1-way street, with no hope of passing them, and they insist on stopping at the very top of the street, just before a junction in which loads of people could pass or turn off, but they stop at the very top of the street/road, to collect a wheely bin, and the bin is about 300 yards up further, meaning that the bin lorry could move forward 300 yards to get it, but instead to piss everyone off they stop before it, 2 leprechaun's get off the back of the truck, doddle up to the wheely bin whilst in the process if lighting up a fag, then slowly hook the bin on the back of the lorry and empty it, then when its done they f*ck the bin onto the other side of the road about 2 miles away from where the f*ckin householder if the bin lives, why can't they just put the f*ckin thing back where they got it?! Dickheads!! Stop f*cking holding everybody up!!
4 - Boy-Races....or for want of a better word, MUPPETS, in their MUPPET MOBILES, revving those "vintage" cars with the tiny small toy steering wheel which they knicked from the bumping cars at Bettystown fun-fair, who doddle through the town at about 5 miles a fortnight!, holding up every poor c*nt behind him, then all of a sudden....nnneeeeeerrrrrrrrrruuuummmmmmmm!!!!!! Gone! They f*ckin shoot off like Speedy-gone-f*cking-Salas! Thats to make up for lost time sitting there for the last 10 minutes. F*cking scumbags. They would be gone for starters. They have to be up for schools early next morning anyway
5 - And escorts, escorts would have to photo's which MUST be verified, and they MUST list ALL of what they do to the client, no use saying on their profile that they give blowjobs without condom ( OWO - Oral WithOut ) and as soon as she goes down on you after half of your weeks wages are handed over, she produces a f*ckin raincoat and you get some saggy doll sucking your knob when all it feels like is that your knob is gone numb, feels like (and probably tastes like) a bloody Cheesestring. You must clearly and truthfully list ALL of what you do, and clearly list ALL of what you DO NOT do aswell. And 30 minute (incall) appointments must be around the €50-€60 mark and no more, and 1 hour appointments to be around the €100 mark and no more than €110.
And a question.....for those few girls who say that they accept credit cards for their method of payment, how the hell does that work? Does she swipe the card between her legs or what??
I might have other idea's about being KING so watch this space people!!