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Thread: Dear Dick

  1. #1
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    Default Dear Dick

    The problem forum is back, and todays problem comes from Jimmy, from Swords-

    Dear Dick- Help!
    My problem concerns an escort, her name is Tina Tits, she advertised on the
    site, saying she gives an hour for 200e, it looked a good bargain, so I arranged
    to visit her. When I got there I seen loads more punters there also, there were
    60 of us, yes- fucking 60! Tina came out and herded us all into her
    apartment, it was like fucking Croke park in there, she then took 200e
    from each of us, told us to get stripped and take a shower-it was like
    a fucking gay convention in her shower, then she told us to line up at
    her bed, and said we each get 1 minute of sex with her- 1 fucking
    minute! Can you believe that, I was in 52nd place- I include a photo
    (see below, thats me in the sun glasses), after all 60 of us had our
    1 minute with us, she told us to take a shower- and it was the gay convention
    all over again in that fucking shower, after that we all left.
    Now this is my problem, I feel like I was cheated, is this right?
    and I added up how much she made for that hour 60 guys at 200e each-
    she made 12000e!, am I in the wrong job!, Jimmy.




    Jimmy, no Tina did nothing wrong, she knows an idiot when she sees one
    (actually 60 of them), by the way those are nice sunglasses you have there,
    where did you get them- I might buy a pair- thanks.
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    A man s mission in life is to spread his seed with as many women as possible, for as long as possible, in any position possible . . . .

  2. #2
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    Default Another problem

    Another problem, this time from Eddie . . . .

    Dear Dick,
    This is a serious problem- it began when I went to visit an escort named Julie,
    You see I wanted a bit of anal, its something my wife never lets me do, so I
    told Julie I wanted Doggy Sex, and would she be my bitch, she said anal would be
    okay, and after giving her 250e, we got down to it, I was already erect and I
    rammed my cock into her arse, and then it happened- I got stuck! No matter
    what Julie or I did, I could not get it out, I include a photo below, of me and
    Julie, we have been like this for 5 days now, my wife is not a happy camper, all
    my workmates are laughing at me and it s very awkward when either Julie or I
    have to go to the loo, I need your help, what can I do?


    Eddie, the problem is you did not use lubricant, I have said again and again that Lube
    should always be used during escort fun times, you will just have to adjust to things your biggest problem, in my mind is how will you watch united this weekend on the telly, you will never see past Julie., unless you put the telly on her back.
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    A man s mission in life is to spread his seed with as many women as possible, for as long as possible, in any position possible . . . .

  3. #3
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    Default

    Yet another problem for today, from Nick in Dublin-

    Dear Dick,
    I have a problem and I want your opinion on it, it all began last week
    when I went to visit this mature escort- Rita, you see I have always
    had this fantasy about been a naughty schoolboy with a sexy bitchy
    schoolteacher dominating me, I told Rita this, and she agreed to play out
    this role for me, I arrived at her place, and she opened the door dressed like
    this (see my picture below), Yummy Yummy I thought. I gave her 300e, and
    she took me to a room, then she gave me a pencil and copybook, and
    ordered me to write out 5000 times- I MUST NOT BE A NAUGHTY SCHOOLBOY,
    she then left me alone in the room, an hour later I had just finished
    the 5000 lines when she came back. I asked her when do I get sex and
    she me to go home and write out 10000 times- I MUST NOT ASK NAUGHTY
    QUESTIONS. Now I have just finished those 10000 fucking lines, it took
    me 3 fucking hours to do them, and I cant help thinking- theres something
    fucking missing here!
    What do you think?


    No Nick, there nothing amiss here, you got what you asked her for, didnt you.
    And dont be complaining about the fucking lines, in my day in school, if you asked the wrong thing to the Christian Brothers, you got a whack on your fucking head.
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    A man s mission in life is to spread his seed with as many women as possible, for as long as possible, in any position possible . . . .

  4. #4
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    Talking Weird!

    Dont you think its strange dickless for a grown man to post fake problem letters THEN answer them himself?!?!?!?!
    Or maybe you just enjoy talking to yourself ........ or you have no choice!

    Yours Respectfully,
    Paws

  5. #5
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    Default

    Hundreds of problems coming in, Todays problem comes all the way from Jimmy in Cabra-

    Dear Dick,
    My problem is about the plumbing in my toilet, you see 3 weeks ago the
    ball cock in my toilet broke, so I do what you are suppose to do- I
    called a plumber, My girlfriend Mandy (pictured below) was at home
    and she let him in. He fixed the ballcock, and Mandy paid him 200e from my
    money, she also said he was a good looking guy, with big muscles and a nice
    hard penis. Anyway all was okay until the ballcock broke again the next
    day, again I called the same plumber- Mandy said he was a good worker, and
    he came and fixed it, 200e more for this guy, and Mandy later told me he
    enjoys her sex toys.
    Anyhow the next day the fucking ballcock broke again, this guy came, and
    again the same routine. Now the ballcock has broken every single day
    for 3 weeks now, each time Mandy letting him in to fix it, and it has
    cost me over 5000e by now- this is my question for you- does this fucking guy
    know what he is doing? Thanks, Jimmy.




    Jimmy, this guy knows exactly what he is doing- there is nothing wrong with your ballcock, in fact there is apparently nothing wrong with his ballcock either, you see the only plumbing this guy is fixing is the plumbing inside your girlfriend, her arse, cunt and so on- get my drift ?
    As for Mandy, she was my girlfriend once, and I also fixed a lot of her plumbing.
    Hope that helps- Dick.
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    A man s mission in life is to spread his seed with as many women as possible, for as long as possible, in any position possible . . . .

  6. #6
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mademoiselle Avenante View Post
    Jesus Dick, I actually find that very funny. More please!!!! You could actually publish that in some sort of humour magazine. It's very witty.

    About the girls with the 60 punters, she must have a HUGE bathroom

    Also, I know as a fact, and that is true and medical, that when a gentleman and a lady are stuck, someone, usually a doctor, must insert his finger in the rectum of the guy. The pressure on the rectum releases the penis as well as the *hum* situation :-)

    Many thanks, glad you find them funny, more problems to follow.
    Also coming soon (when I get the time!) will be my great epic-
    DICK SPUNK IN THE 25TH CENTURY, which hopefully will provide a joke or two, and get some people thinking about where we are heading.

    Have a nice day, Mademoiselle Avenante. Dick.
    A man s mission in life is to spread his seed with as many women as possible, for as long as possible, in any position possible . . . .

  7. #7
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    Question Genuine????

    You are trying WAY too hard Madmoiselle A to convince us that you think this post is funny .......... i might believe you were more sincere IF you didn't decide to advertise your services at the same time!

    Isn't it against forum rules Patricia for an escort to advertise here???

    Yours Sceptically,
    Mr Paws

  8. #8
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    Default

    Hello to all, yet another letter today, this time from Paddy in Clondalkin

    Dear Dick,
    I need your help, last week I was feeling a little horny, and decided to visit
    an escort, I decided on Noeleen, who described herself as a 30 something Irish
    lady, adding that her sexual favorites were CIM, Anal and watersports.
    This was just what I felt like and so arranged to call to her apartment, she
    answered the door wearing some nice lingerie, and once in I gave her 250e
    and told her I wanted her favorites. Then it happened- she took down her
    knickers to reveal a penis bigger than mine, yes a fucking penis !- and this
    fucking cock was huge ! I include a photo, and as you see- it is massive
    compared to mine !
    My jaw dropped when I seen it, and before I knew it she thrust her cock
    into my mouth, pumping away saying" I BET YOU LIKE THIS, DONT YOU?"
    She spent 20 minutes pumping this cock into my mouth before cumming,
    then she took it out, shoved it up my arse, and began shagging me !
    After cumming in my arse, she pissed into my face, asked me did I enjoy
    myself, and told me to leave as she had another client arriving shortly.
    I arrived home covered in piss and spunk, I did not even get a chance to
    shag Noeleen myself. I feel deceived, what do you think ? - Paddy.



    Paddy- what the fuck are you complaining about? You knew her favorites before you went to her, and as you say she had them with you. As for her huge penis which she surprised you with- HA! its not really all that big ! Fuck- you should see the size of mine, massive compared to Noeleens, especially when I see a blond in a mini skirt. Dick.
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    A man s mission in life is to spread his seed with as many women as possible, for as long as possible, in any position possible . . . .

  9. #9
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    Default Another problem . . . .

    Todays problem comes from Wacker in Ballfermot . . . .

    Dear Dick,
    I need your help, my problem concerns my wife of 8 years Nina, she told me it is over between us, she said she met somebody else, some prick in her job, she says the sex between her and this prick is out of this world, I include a picture of him below, and this is what I dont understand, he is a right ugly prick- I cant understand what she see in him, what can I do to win her back? Wacker.



    Wacker, believe me you have not got a hope with this guy, I cant understand her attraction either, I showed this picture to my girlfriend and asked her did she find him attractive, she was smitten by him, kept on asking for his name and mobile number, I am puzzled on this one, just cant understand women at times. Dick.
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    A man s mission in life is to spread his seed with as many women as possible, for as long as possible, in any position possible . . . .

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