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Thread: the 6 affairs....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    746

    Red face the 6 affairs....

    The 1st Affair
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > A married man was having an affair
    > with his secretary.
    >
    > One day they went to her place
    > and made love all afternoon.
    >
    > Exhausted, they fell asleep
    > and woke up at 8 PM.
    >
    > The man hurriedly dressed
    > and told his lover to take his shoes
    > outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
    >
    > He put on his shoes and drove home.
    >
    > 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
    >
    > 'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
    >
    > 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
    > We had s *x all afternoon.'
    >
    > She looked down at his shoes and said:
    >
    > 'You lying b ' stard!
    > You've been playing golf!'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > The 2nd Affair
    >
    > A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
    > but always talked about having a son.
    >
    > They decided to try one last time
    > for the son they always wanted.
    >
    > The wife got pregnant
    > and delivered a healthy baby boy.
    >
    > The joyful father rushed to the nursery
    > to see his new son.
    >
    > He was horrified at the ugliest child
    > he had ever seen.
    >
    > He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
    > be the father of this baby.
    > Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
    > Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
    >
    > The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
    > 'No, not this time!'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > The 3rd Affair
    >
    > A mortician was working late one night.
    >
    > He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
    > about to be cremated,
    > and made a startling discovery.
    > Schwartz had the largest private part
    > he had ever seen!
    >
    > 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
    > commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
    > with such an impressive private part.
    > It must be saved for posterity.'
    >
    > So, he removed it,
    > stuffed it into his briefcase,
    > and took it home.
    >
    > 'I have something to show
    > you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
    > opening his briefcase.
    >
    > 'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
    > 'Schwartz is dead!'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > The 4th Affair
    >
    > A woman was in bed with her lover
    > when she heard her husband
    > opening the front door.
    >
    > 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
    >
    > She rubbed baby oil all over him,
    > then dusted him with talcum powder.
    >
    > 'Don't move until I tell you,'
    > she said. 'Pretend you're a statue..'
    >
    > 'What's this?' the husband inquired
    > as he entered the room.
    >
    > 'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
    > 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
    > so I got one for us, too.'
    >
    > No more was said,
    > not even when they went to bed.
    >
    > Around 2 AM the husband got up,
    > went to the kitchen and returned
    > with a sandwich and a beer.
    >
    > 'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
    > I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
    > and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > The 5th Affair
    >
    > A man walked into a cafe,
    > went to the bar and ordered a beer.
    >
    > 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
    >
    > 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
    >
    > He glanced at the menu and asked:
    > 'How much for a nice juicy steak
    > and a bottle of wine?'
    >
    > 'A nickel,' the barman replied.
    >
    > 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
    > 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
    >
    > The bartender replied:
    > 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
    >
    > The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
    > with your wife?'
    >
    > The bartender replied:
    > 'The same thing I'm doing
    > to his business down here.'
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > The 6th & Best Affair
    >
    > Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
    >
    > He looked up and said weakly:
    > 'I have something I must confess.'
    >
    > 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
    >
    > 'No,' he insisted,
    > 'I want to die in peace.
    > I slept with your sister, your best friend,
    > her best friend, and your mother!'
    >
    > 'I know,' she replied.
    > 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Lynne For This Useful Post:

    anon361 (02-08-10), pablo_23 (02-08-10)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Very good...I loved the 3rd one. Schwartz is dead?
    Escort of the Month and E-I Interview Blogs; http://www.escort-ireland.com/boards/blogs/ricflair/

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