Big Paws...................................................

[westside]

Let me explain what made me the way i am. Im serious about heading off for Summer. Since this is an escort forum ,this shouldnt shock much.
When i was a kid as in very, very young i had one hell of a future ahead of me. I was doing things that other young guys simply didnt do. I was swimming in deep water when i was 4, ran like a rocket when i was 6 or so. Yep things looked bright. All i had to do was pick something and i shoot for it.
Then like alot of other kids ,my mother developed terminal lung cancer. My old man told me that she was going to die when i was 8 (probably because i could handle it). Anyway i was a rock to her right up until the day she died.
I handled things ok when she died and turned around to carry on with life. This motivated me more than ever and i decided what i wanted to do with my life. I was always outgoing and always spoke to anyone i know.
There was this guy that i was speaking to regularly. One day when i was 11 , he asked me to come into his house because he wanted to show me a book. Anyway before i knew it the cunt had his dick out and grabbed me and one thing led to another. I was raped.
When he was done, i went home and wanted to kill myself. I felt guilty and like shit. I went from the most outgoing kid around to somone without an ounce of self confidence. I failed at every single thing i touched. I had fuck all friends, forget about girl friends. I was always the guy that got picked on and bullied by others. Always told that i was no good , always the one who was scared to reach out and try something. I was scared, had no self esteem, felt useless and never went anywhere.
This went on for years until about the age of eighteen. One of the bullies ,beat the crap out of me. He was yopunger than me and of course i ran like fuck. When i got in home and cried my old man ,when he found out who had beat me up ,beat me up again for being a coward. I decided enough was enough and that i was going to kill myself. Thnkfully just before throwing awhole box of pain killers down my throat, something inside me said "hey your worth more than this".
Next day i saw that guy and kicked the living shit completly out of him. I kicked the shit out of his older brother later.
I started lifting weights, started swimming ,running, martial arts. Unfortunatly i hung around with the wrong guys. I looked for trouble and kicked the shit out of everything and anything that gave it to me. I gave the guy that raped the beating of his lfe, he ended up in hospital and of course he said nothing.
Anyway one day my old man said to me that i was going to kill someone the way i was going. This sort of caught me because i didnt really want to do that.
I learned to focus my anger. Guess what? All the guys that picked on me ,started saying hi and being polite, all the girls that thought i was a wimp wanted to date.
Turned everthing 100% around.

Whats the point in all of this you might ask? Well its like this. I actaully have an inferiority complex to give something my upmost and honest best. If someone doesnt like something i say or do then hard luck. Get over it. I change for no one, stoop for no one. This is what makes me able to talk about literally anything with anyone, its how i can be nice one sec or a cunt the next. The choice is the other persons. I am what i am. Like me or hate me, makes no difference to me. I may come accross as self opinionated and a shit head. Fine no worries i can live with that. Judge me if you meet me.

So a story for the summer for you. And anyone out there reading this that was or is in a similar position to me, i will say this. You are not worthless. Be yourself and run your own life. Fuck what people think. Dump negative crap out of your life. If your friends are negative dump them, if your gf is dump her, if your job is leave it. You can do anything who want or be anything you want in this life. All it takes is to reach down deep ,believe in yourself and have the daddy bags to face things and push forward. Go for things and fuck the naysayers because they know sweet jackshit about what you can or cannot do. FUCK EM

Fuck Paedophiles, Rapists and the Bastards that Protect them,
Westside.

PS say what you want because im off and oh yeah, ill be back, when it suits me of course.

[bigpaws]

Well that story explains a lot about your behaviour ........... without excusing it.
You have been through a lot and are obviously carry the emotional and psychological scar's from it ......... but i must say well done to you for turning your life around.
However this wall of anger, bitterness and resentment you carry around on your shoulders must be incredibly difficult for the people around you so maybe you should consider looking for a solution to that for the sake of those people ......... and more importantly for your own sake?
And as far as this "battle of words" between myself and you ...... well thats all it ever was, at most a heated discussion were my opinion of your opinions was negative. And of course, probably because of your past, you took it all very personal .......... but i have no regrets about what i said because your problems are your problems not mine or anybody else's.

Let me finish by saying that i hope you do get some help, not the kind of help a gym can give you either ........ and i genuinely hope you do enjoy your summer.
You, just like everybody else (including black, polish, chinese etc), deserve to be happy so best of luck with that. I sincerely mean that.

If you, or anybody else, do post something that i dont agree with then i will say so ........ sorry but i think its important for people not only to stand up for themselves, like you say, but also for those (for whatever reason) who cant stand up fro themselves.
I am not your enemy ......... and neither are the "foreigners" that you complain about.
Any enemies you have cant harm you as much as the demons in your own mind ........ they are your true enemies.

All the best
BIGPAWS

[westside]

Well that story explains a lot about your behaviour ........... without excusing it.
You have been through a lot and are obviously carry the emotional and psychological scar's from it ......... but i must say well done to you for turning your life around.
However this wall of anger, bitterness and resentment you carry around on your shoulders must be incredibly difficult for the people around you so maybe you should consider looking for a solution to that for the sake of those people ......... and more importantly for your own sake?
And as far as this "battle of words" between myself and you ...... well thats all it ever was, at most a heated discussion were my opinion of your opinions was negative. And of course, probably because of your past, you took it all very personal .......... but i have no regrets about what i said because your problems are your problems not mine or anybody else's.

Let me finish by saying that i hope you do get some help, not the kind of help a gym can give you either ........ and i genuinely hope you do enjoy your summer.
You, just like everybody else (including black, polish, chinese etc), deserve to be happy so best of luck with that. I sincerely mean that.

If you, or anybody else, do post something that i dont agree with then i will say so ........ sorry but i think its important for people not only to stand up for themselves, like you say, but also for those (for whatever reason) who cant stand up fro themselves.
I am not your enemy ......... and neither are the "foreigners" that you complain about.
Any enemies you have cant harm you as much as the demons in your own mind ........ they are your true enemies.

All the best
BIGPAWS

ive being through nothing compared to some people. Some people have being through worse and went on to be better. These people keep me going.

Nope im actually one of the easiest people in the world to get along with. The extent is up to the other people. I took zippo you said personally, your entitled to your opinion.

Its true what you say about the demons being my worst enemy. We are all our worst enemies but also our biggest friends. I turn those demons into my best buddies. As far as help for me goes, i dont need help. All i was doing is giving you some background as to what im like and why and my post could indirectly help someone. In fact if i had the choice i wouldnt go back and change a thing because all of this developed traits in me that are rare. If one person out there reads it and its changes them for the better then i would say it was worth posting on that ground alone.

In fact life is an everyday choice that we are all faced with. I always tell people that no matter what happens the freedome to choose is always there. Sometimes we cant control things that happen, but we can control our response to them. Thats where i slipped up but hey you dont know a nice day until youve seen a bad one. Its our worst experiences is what make us appreiciate our best ones.

I never said anywhere that foreigners should, could not be happy. What i did state is that if it comes to the crunch and there is only one cookie left on the plate ,then the foreigner is out of luck. If i thought that somebody could not stand up for themselves i would keep my mouth shut.

You would be very, very surprised of what im actually like in reality. Im all for helping people out. Thats why i became good friends with a few women that work at this. They know what im like, they know i respect them and always have time to stop and chat and see how things are. They know i see them as individuals and not just as escorts. A job is just a job and people come first.

Anyway no harm done either way. Thanks for the responses to the posts. Its the challenges from others and from life in general that keeps me going. Hope no one was offended by the post. See it as an encouragement not a violin.


Have a good one and i'll be back like the shitty weather. Find it hard to sleep sometimes as you can see. If im not back just take it that i died.

Sincerely and wide awake at 5.00,
Westside.

[bigpaws]

I take everything you said on board and respect your feelings ............ however the difference between you and me is i would share the cookie, give the "foreigner" half because to me they are not a foreigner just another human being like me who maybe deserves their bite of the cookie, no?
Anyway looking forward to reading (and replying to!) your future posts! :-)