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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #21
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    Replies given to visa applications (allegedly)

    To the question on an Australian visa application form, asking whether the applicant held, or had ever held, a criminal record, the respondent replied that he did not realise that it was still mandatory for entry into Australia

    On an application form to an unnamed South American country, to the question did the applicant favour the overthrow of the government by suppression, violence, or force, the applicant replied 'suppression' - thinking it was a multiple-choice question
    The Gods are just, and of our pleasant vices
    Make instruments to plague us

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  3. #22
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    Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

    "It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

    "That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

    "Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

    "Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

    "Baaaaa..."

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  5. #23
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    A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad,
    and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?" She said, "Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out."
    The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!"

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  7. #24
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    lol

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  9. #25
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    Default Learn Chinese in 5 minutes.

    English-Chinese Translation

    That's not right ........................ ....Sum Ting Wong
    Are you harboring a fugitive?.......... Hu Yu Hai Ding
    See me ASAP...............................Kum Hia Nao
    Stupid Man.................................. .Dum Fuk
    Small Horse................................. Tai Ni Po Ni
    It's very dark in here .................... ..Wao So Dim
    I thought you were on a diet ........ ..Wai Yu Mun Ching?
    This is a tow away zone ............... No Pah King
    Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao?
    Staying out of sight .......................Lei Ying Lo
    He's cleaning his automobile .........Wa Shing Ka
    Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
    16) Great .......................................... Fa Kin Su Pah

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  11. #26
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    An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
    The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen and was handed $66.
    He asked the teller, "Why get less money than got last week?”
    The teller says, "Fluctuations.”
    The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amedicans too

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  13. #27
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    Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
    A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.


    Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's sex life?
    A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!


    Q. Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
    A. She knows she's given her last blow job.


    Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
    A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.


    Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
    A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.


    Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
    A. A police horse.


    Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
    A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

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  15. #28
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    A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.

    Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again. After he was done, he took off his "full" condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!

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  17. #29
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    Rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary.
    They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives.
    Poor man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?"
    He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?"
    The Rich man says, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back happy."
    The Poor man says, "O.K. That works." The Rich man says, "Well what did you get your wife?"
    The Poor man says, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."
    The Rich man says, "Why'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?"
    The Poor man says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!"

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  19. #30
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    A truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge, so he stops and says: "What are you doing?"
    "I'm trying to commit suicide", she says.
    "Well, before you jump, will you give me a blowjob?", the trucker says.
    The girl agrees and after she's finished the trucker says: "Wow!!!, That's wasted talent, why are you committing suicide?"
    She replies: "Because my parents don't like me dressing up as a girl!!!"

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