Decembers Anything Xmasy comp

[Indiana Jones]

Christmas is upon us, and hopefully you’ll be upon your partner in this time of giving. Whether you’re with somebody new or you’ve unwrapped that box a hundred times before the holidays, our Christmas sex positions are sure to become instant holiday favorites. I have made a list, and you’re welcome to check it twice. Whether you are naughty, nice or a couple of depraved pervs, there’s a goodie in this sack for everyone.

Number 10
Jingle Balls
This move centers around some classic teabaging, either before, during or after intercourse. So whenever you decide to do it, walk to the kitchen and frost your schwetty balls with leftover green and red frosting from the Christmas cookies to appeal to her sweet tooth and ensure extra-intense tongue action. Bonus points if you swirl some red frosting around your penis for a candy cane bonus.

Number 9
Santa’s Little Helpers
Men, quit worrying about being “big” enough and start to think small; try imitating elves and have sex on your knees. A little pocket rocket vibrator can provide the elfin magic. Your usual smooth bass bedroom voice will ruin the whole thing, so keep helium close by to take hits and talk dirty in a higher octave. It’s going to be a busy night on your part, but at least she can pretend she was with another guy while you maintain a size advantage in reality. If this position unleashes a previously unknown elf fetish, you’re jolly well screwed.

Number 8
Silent Night
Not only is Christmas a great time for sex, it is also a time when family can be a little too close at all the wrong times. So this year, make the most of it by engaging in some exciting secret sex with your partner at a very unsuspecting time: Christmas dinner. The goal is for you and your partner to separately excuse yourselves in the middle of dinner, without arousing suspicion, then make your way up to an available bedroom for a quickie.

Number 7
The Stocking Stuffer
This Christmas sex position combines stockings and sex in close quarters. She’ll be in crotchless or strategically ripped stockings, and you’ll both zip into a sleeping bag together. From there, engage in any and all positions allowable by your physiques and your encased bedding. Closeness and friction will be the two factors you experience. After a while, you may get a whiff of hot nylon and/or singed hair. The decision to proceed will be yours; just remember the phrase “you would even say it glows” can apply to more than Rudolph’s nose. Mutual ointment application is a popular form of after-play for this one.

Number 6
Snow Angel
So far, our Christmas sex positions have probably found you indoors, out of the cold. Even with the all the rockin’ she’s been doing around your Christmas tree, cabin fever might be setting in. Good news: You can get fresh air and still get some when you go outside to make snow angels. Way better than a snowman with a frosty schlong grafted on, these snow angels decorate the lawn beautifully and make for great stories to share. You’ll have distinct his-and-her patterns, too. When you’re on top in the missionary position, you’ll be in charge of swinging out your legs, making for a taller angel. When she’s on top, her knee impressions will make for a more bootylicious angel.

Number 5
Down the Chimney with Care
With all the Christmas songs and stories involving chimneys, no Christmas sex position portfolio would be complete without one involving your partner’s ash pipe. Firstly, you’ll need to sport a St. Nick’s outfit ,and then, with her lying on her neck facing you, you give her an anal pile driver. Besides all the other sensations going on, the blood will be rushing to her head -- it’s not unheard of for the drivee to pass out.

Number 4
Milk & Cookies
Santa Claus must get royally pissed off by the end of his run. Billions of houses, and he only gets milk and cookies for his trouble -- some treat. All that lactose and gluten probably has him spray-painting the porcelain well into the new year. For you and your partner, a dose of these "Milk & Cookies" can be a sweet, little snack. It’s so simple, yet delicious: Just lap away at her breasts for milk while you engage her sugar cookie with your hands.

Number 3
Secret Santa
This one involves a Santa mask and suit, and a blindfold. Set up the encounter as your usual mystery seduction by tying up and blindfolding your girl. Then, dress up in your Santa get up and get down to business. Once everything is done, take off her blindfold and let her see who her secret Santa really is.

Number 2
Trim the Tree
Part of the Christmas tradition is a small degree of deforestation, as pines and firs are cut and cleared. What better time to cut and clear the fur forest of you and your partner? If you trust each other -- really, really trust each other -- try doing the job for each other. If there was ever a time to remind her how sensitive that skin is, this is it -- your life is in her hands. When you’re both free of debris, you’ll find oral fixations renewed and enhanced -- without the obligatory throat clearing and teeth-picking afterward.

Number 1
Chest & Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire
Fireplaces are always portrayed as romantic, but don’t just settle for a cuddle and staring at the flames -- there’s your own yule log to attend to. While she’s on the floor on her back close to the fire, have her press her breasts together while you thrust your penis between them. Just establish a safe word to clarify between orgasms and flying cinders. For bonus points, try to douse the fire when you climax. Again, be reminded that cinders are unpredictable and unforgiving.

And to all a good night…
Work your way through a few of these Christmas sex positions and you’ll be ready for a long winter’s nap. Just do yourself and your partner a favour and remember to wrap your present before the gift-giving.

[experienced punter]

I loved Santa my vision of a jolly old man with grey hair & beard from faraway Lapland delivering toys for children on a sleigh pulled by reindeers fascinated me he always brought me the presents I wanted that was the nicest thing that anyone could ever do for me. When I was 8 years old the toy I wished for most was a big castle I also wished for a bike & a selection of games such was the size of the castle I wished for I felt the need to ask my mother would it be a problem for Santa to get it down the chimney in its huge box No problem for Santa she reassured me
Christmas Eve arrived the usual excitement & anticipation of Santas arrival I always find it hard to sleep after a while I could hear my mother coming up the stairs I knew she was as usual coming up to check was I asleep she opened the bedroom door ever so slightly popped her head in I let on I was asleep & she went back down the stairs, minutes later I heard a loud noise downstairs Was this Santa? I jumped out of bed opened my bedroom door a little I heard my mother saying to my brother 'Whats the noise what fell?'' ''Its that fucking castle what did he want a castle so big for? my brother replied'', he was attempting to lift it through the hall into the sitting room when it fell minutes later my mother wheeled the bike through the hall the second toy I had wished for I knew there & then that there was no Santa after all, everyone had been lying to me
I woke up Christmas morning with horrible mixed feelings of joy & sadness at the thought that Santa never brought these presents nor ever did one of the first things my mother pointed out to me were the empty glass of milk & cookies I left for Santa & his reindeers were gone ''they were very thirsty & hungry'' she said
despite everything it was a lovely day but I told my mother 2 weeks after Christmas that I didn't believe in Santa anymore......

[westcorklad]

The Night After Christmas
'Twas the night after Christmas, his duties were done.
Now Santa was looking to have him some fun.
His stockings were flung on the floor and the chair,
And over the mantle his used underwear.
Mrs. Claus was as nervous as a blushing school girl.
Watching as Santa's desire did unfurl.
"Oh take me, you big boy!" she started to shout.
And Santa responded by whipping it out.
Santa arose with a big booming clatter.
He was horny as hell, his dick growing fatter.
"Fuck Donner and Blitzen, the elves and the toys.
Show me what comes to very bad boys."
From the front and the back, he gave her a fuck,
And squeezed her big boobies to bring him good luck.
His face was all red. His heart threatened to stall,
As his pearly white semen splattered the wall.
"Oh Santa," she cried, with moans of delight.
"Boys need to be naughty, to have a good night."

[Dick Spunk]

Christmas in Japan is different than it is here, Japan is not a christian nation, they have their own religion (so probably no fucked up priests and bishops like we have here), they celebrate Christmas eve as their main day.
Now Japan - or to be more precise- Japanese men have a schoolgirl uniform fetish- and they have no shame about it! In fact there is a whole industry around the notion of schoolgirl uniforms, Adult Japanese Women buy special made uniforms- of which there is a large market- and wear them at all sorts of occasions
Anyway- back to the topic here- Japanese schoolgirl uniforms- below are 5 examples of what they go for, take a look- ponder, debate and enjoy!

Christmas in Japan

[westcorklad]

Mrs. Claus' Secret Ingredient
"That's it for this batch of Gingerbread Men," chirped Trixie the elf. "Shall we start on the Sugarplums, Mrs. Claus?" Santa's wife was gazing out the window of the Christmas cookie kitchen in the direction of her husband's toy workshop.

"Mrs. Claus?" Trixie said again. "You seem distracted. Is something up?"

"Oh dear," the woman said. "It's what isn't up that's bothering me."

"I'm not sure what you mean," the elf replied.

"Oh...fiddlesticks!" Mrs. Claus wrung her apron in her hands. "Can I tell you something confidential, woman to woman? Mr. Claus, he's been having, well, trouble lately. In the bedroom.

"It's so embarrassing. I don't know what to do," she sighed. "I've tried to get him to see his doctor, but he just makes excuses. He says he's just tired, or worried about the toy orders. I've been patient, but I have needs too. I even went so far as to get myself one of those jackrabbit vibrators." Her already ruddy cheeks flushed deeper crimson.

"Say no more, Mrs. Claus," the elf said spryly. "I have just the thing you need." From the pocket of her green jumper Trixie produced a blue diamond-shaped pill. "This should solve your problem, and Santa's."

"Is that...Viagra?" Mrs. Claus asked.

"You betcha," said the elf. "One dose of this, and Santa will be back to his old self."

"Well, heavens to Betsy," said Mrs. Claus, tucking the pill into her apron. "I don't know how to thank you."

Later that night, as Santa was getting ready to turn in, Mrs. Claus went into action. She had ground the blue pill into a fine powder, and now sprinkled it gingerly into a glass of eggnog.

"Oh Santa," she called out. "I made up a batch of your favorite eggnog. Can I bring you a glass?"

"Don't mind if I do," Santa chuckled. "I hope you didn't put too much rum in it. That gives me a headache."

"No, Sweetie, I tried a different recipe this time. I think you'll like it." She handed him the glass.

"Delicious!" he pronounced, after taking a gulp. "It's got a little extra kick to it."

You have no idea, thought Mrs. Claus, and sat back to wait for the effects. Santa was sitting in his recliner reading the paper, and after about 15 minutes, Mrs. Claus approached him, coming up behind him to massage his neck.

"Tough day in the toyshop, dear?" she asked, kneading his shoulders.

"Ohhh," he groaned, "That feels wonderful. Don't stop." She continued her rubbing, caressing his curls and running her fingers through his beard the way she knew he liked.

After a few minutes, she looked down toward Santa's lap and saw that the Viagra had begun to work it's magic. "Well, well," she said. "Looks like your toy soldier is at attention."

"By golly, you're right, Mrs. Claus," Santa declared. "I thought the little rascal had gone AWOL for good."

"Well, why don't we just march him straight to the bedroom and put him back on active duty." Mrs. Claus grabbed Santa's arm and eagerly urged him toward their bed.

Off came their clothes, and sure enough, Santa's boner stood proudly erect and larger than ever.

"Ready or not, here I come," Santa cried as he dove into the bed and mounted Mrs. Claus.

"Oh, I'm ready," she squealed delightedly. "Believe me, I'm ready."

They fucked greedily, hungry for each other's bodies after such a long dry spell. Santa kept pumping and pumping, amazed at his newfound virility, while Mrs. Claus writhed in pleasure beneath him. When he finally shot his load, she had already come twice.

They were cuddling and enjoying the afterglow when Mrs. Claus felt a familiar nudge against her thigh. "Guess who's back?" she said, playfully tugging on his dong.

"Jumping Jehosephat!" Santa exclaimed, his member now fully engorged again. "Let's do it doggy style this time!"

After a few more rounds, they were both exhausted and fell asleep content. But bright and early the next day, Santa awoke with morning wood.

"Hot damn, woman," he said to his wife. "I feel like the Energizer Bunny." They had another quickie fuck before Santa headed off to the workshop with a spring in his step.

"Everything go OK, Mrs. Claus?" Trixie asked when she arrived in the kitchen.

"Worked like a charm," Santa's wife answered with a grin. "I was wondering if you could get me some more of those little blue pills...I have a big batch of eggnog to make up."

[irishphill]

A Hand for Santa

On Christmas Eve
Don’t lay awake in bed
All you naughty girls
Blonde, brunette or red
For instead of presents
You may get a shock instead
You may catch Santa
Dressed in his suit of red
Emptying his sack
At the end of your bed








and


A Gift for Maria

A young man called Paul
Wanted to buy a present
For his new sweetheart Maria
As a Christmas present

As they’d not been dating
For a very long duration
He decided to purchase
After careful consideration
A nice pair of gloves
striking the right note
Not too romantic or personal
So the gloves got his vote

Accompanied by Maria’s sister
He went to Harrods and bought
A dainty pair of white gloves
“She will like these” he thought

Maria’s sister Susan bought
A pair of panties for herself
But during the wrapping
An error was made on the shelf

The assistant mixed up
The gloves and the panties
The sister got the gloves
And Maria got the scanties

Without checking Paul sealed
The package along with a note
And sent it to his sweetheart
And this is what he wrote

Dear Maria, I chose these
As I noticed my darling
That you don’t wear any
When we go out in the evening.

If not for your sister Susan
I would have got long ones
The type with the buttons,
But Susan wears short ones
That are easier to remove.
They are a delicate shade,
But the shop assistant
where the purchase was made
Showed me the pair she has
That she’d been wearing
and were hardly soiled
After three weeks wearing
I had her try yours on for me
And she looked really chic
Even though they were
Tight on her a little bit.

She told me that her pair
Helps to keep her ring
Clean and shiny, and in fact
And this is interesting
Since she’d begun wearing them.
It hadn’t needed washing

I really hope you like them
And wish I were there with you
To put them on you Maria
for the first time I really do

As no doubt many other hands
Will have touched them
Before I see you again
Remember when you remove them
To blow into them before
Putting them away and drying
As they will naturally be
A little damp from wearing

Just think how many times
My lips will kiss them
during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them
For me on Friday night
All my love Paul till then

P.S. The latest style
Which appears to be growing
Is to wear them folded down
With a little fur showing

[rover]

Stewie and Rover have started to hang out together.

[Dick Spunk]

The Christmas Party at work- this is a ideal opportunity for free sex, my fellow punters- with your female workmates, yes those prick teasing bitches who wore mini skirts during the Summer heatwaves, and had you nursing a erection in your pants all the time, wanting to shoot your load- now its payback time!
However it can be a minefield, so you have to plan ahead and thread carefully- read on and learn!

MAIN GUIDE POINT- Select your target
Yes like a army sniper, you must have a precise target- one particular female cunt-sorry Person, to chase and catch, so who do you pick- well each work place contains 3 options-you have 3 REAL choices.

JACKIE- all firms have a JACKIE- she is the female manager, the mid 40s bird with the severe face and nice arse- see below, she wont talk to you throughout the year-except at the christmas party- and this is when you pounce!
Now the best thing about JACKIE is she will pay for the hotel room, she has plenty of money, her husband is also loaded, but dont mind about him, JACKIE will be powerfull in bed, she likes to be in control, likes to scream her head off, as you plunge your cock in and out of her, so think about her- is your target JACKIE?
PROs-: great dominant sex, wont cost you much.
CONs- you will be on the dole soon, the resentfull bitch will sack you after the christmas break.

ANITA- Anita is the new girl, just 18, (see below)her first job, her first christmas party, and she has no boyfriend! In some ways a easy target, always wears very short skirts, a few drinks and she will be away with you, however she has no money, so you have to pay for the hotel room, good sex will be awaiting you there- you will need lots of condoms- more financial output for you.
PROs- good energetic sex, tight arse.
CONs- will cost you in money, and she wont leave you alone afterwards, the wife will pick up on your sore cock and Anitas texts and phone calls- getting you fucked out of your home!

SHIRLEY- Shirley is the 20s something receptionist, very confident, great figure due to her been a fitness fanatic, a bit ice cool, she enjoys running marathons, in fact she cycles 20 miles into work every fucking day! She has her own place, so good for long loud sex sessions, when with her in bed you will work harder than any other time in your life- your cock and balls will ache for days afterwards (could be hard to hide from the wife).
PROs as above- long long long hours of sweaty sweaty sex.
CONs- you will lose your teeth if her boyfriend finds out- he is a Olympic Boxer.

So fellow punters, there you have it, each targer has its pros and cons, its up to you to pick the one best suited to you- go ahead this christmas- and shoot your load!

[jacksparrow2010]

I made myself a snowball,
as perfect as can be

I thought I'd keep it as a pet,
and let it sleep with me

I made it some pajamas,
and a pillow for its head

then last night it ran away,
but first it wet the bed!!!

[jacksparrow2010]

Oh you better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm tellin' you why;

Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.

He's walkin' real slow,
He slurs when he speaks,
I don't even think
He’s shaved in two weeks,

Daddy's home and boy is he drunk.

He spent most of our money
On Johnny Walker Black
And then he took all of the rest
And lost it at the track.

Sooo.... You better not pout,
You better not cry,
I don't like that look in his eye,
Daddy's home and I think he's...
Daddy's home and boy is he...

Daddy's home and he's really drunk!


..........