A Load of Bollocks

[Dick Spunk]

My fellow punters.
How many times have you left an escorts apartment, your cock tender, sore and drained and your wallet 200 or 300 euro lighter?
And as you walk home you are saying to yourself -"Why the fuck did I waste 300 euro on that ugly cow?" (the escort that is- not your girlfriend/wife).
Im sure all of you have asked yourself that question at some time or another after visiting a escort- some of you probably every single time after visiting.
Well today I am going to tell you just why you wasted all that money, so read on- and LEARN!

Your testicles (thats balls), produce 75 million sperm per day. All this gooey sperm is stored in your Bollocks, just waiting for a chance to get out and get a bit of fresh air. So its all squeezed in your bollocks while more and more sperm is still been produced on a 24 hour basis, making your Bollocks more and more overcrowded.
Meanwhile you are totally unaware of all this happening, you are sitting on your arse in a Pub somewhere, watching the football, then out of the blue, a piece of skirt- (See Picture below) walks pass you.
The skirt looks stunning- wrapped nice and tightly around a gyrating fit arse, and you cant take your eyes off it.
Now we move onto your brain (Yes you do all have one).
When you see something that sexually excites you, messages are sent from your eyes to the part of the brain responsible for sexual response. The brain is flooded with natural chemicals- similar to drugs, these chemicals are called endorphins, and these endorphins are released into the blood stream and make you feel pleasureable and give you physical enjoyment.
These endorphins are very powerful, and make you want to continue to experience them, your heart beat increases and blood is pumped to all parts of your body- including your penis (thats cock), which starts to swell and grow.
This is where you decide "I think I will visit an Escort!"
At this point you leave the pub, go to the ATM, withdraw 400 euro, and go and visit Big Arse Maisie- (second picture below) the newly arrived in Dublin Hungarian escort.
You visit Maisie, give her the 400 euro, and then you spend the next hour and a half banging your Bollocks against her Arse, near the end of which- your penis is stimulated by skin to skin contact with Maisies arse, signals are sent back to your brain, which in turn contract the muscles in your pelvis and penis, your penis convulses and the large storage of sperm in your testicles is SHOT out through your pee hole, about 300 million sperm will be expelled.
Only about 5% of the ejeculate are sperm, the other 95% is various sexual fluids.

After this you put your trousers back on, Maisie fucks you out, and you go home asking your self "WHY THE FUCK DID I JUST SPEND 400 EURO ON THAT COW?".
The reason you spent all this cash is simple- Blame your Bollocks.
Im sure you will agree with me when I say - Its all really is a Load of Bollocks

[kerry lad in town]

Thanks Dick I taught it was me at lest I now know its my Bollocks is to blame

[Just_joe]

Before making any appointment with an escort, have a quick wank .. if your still horney within 2 mins of that wank, pick up the phone and make that call ... 9 outta 10 times you won't need to ... thats how I manage.. it was that or go bankrupt!