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Thread: Ho ho ho......

  1. #1
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    Santa Ho ho ho......

    This made me chuckle....




    An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.

    He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

    The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.”

    At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” he said.

    The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

    The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, “By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque clears so I’ll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon,” he said.

    On Monday morning, the jeweller ‘phoned the old man and said “Sir, there’s no money in that account.”

    “I know,” said the old man, “but let me tell you about my weekend!

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  3. #2
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    LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

    The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

    Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

    The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

    Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

    The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

    Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

    Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

    The teacher sat down and cried.
    Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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  5. #3
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    Ha ha good one sophie. It should be in joke of the day thread though.

  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flappy View Post
    LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

    The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

    Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

    The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

    Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

    The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

    Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

    Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

    The teacher sat down and cried.
    if he had an aunt sophie he wouldn't be able to put fasten eight in the sentence at all.

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  8. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ketchup View Post
    Ha ha good one sophie. It should be in joke of the day thread though.

    Couldn't find it sorry.

  9. #6
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    I was in a club with my drunk mate last night.

    He pointed to the bar and said, "See those two birds over there with massive fake tits?"

    I said, "Yeah."

    He said, "I'm gonna have them."

    I said, "Don't do it to yourself mate, your tits look fine as they are."
    ............................................
    Last edited by knibbs; 07-12-15 at 17:55.

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  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SophieX View Post
    Couldn't find it sorry.
    thats ok, no need to be sorry.

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ketchup View Post
    Ha ha good one sophie. It should be in joke of the day thread though.
    Where's this joke of the day thread?

    I have loads of shit jokes to share
    Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  13. #9
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    Ho ho ho! Maybe we need a Christmas joke thread? X
    sophie your going to be on Santa naughty list for not posting on the " joke of the day thread"
    Last edited by Liberty Love; 07-12-15 at 19:01.
    ​Love More, Hate Less and Eat More Pie!

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  15. #10
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    Ho Ho Ho
    you can come down my chimney
    Any time SophieX

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