I was in Puerto Banus last night, sitting at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heffer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass.
She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number"!
I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?"
She said, "I sure do."
I said, "Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you're missing."